Hypothetically Speaking

How would you rate your day if you spent the entire morning:

1. Changing 3 overflowing, shitty diapers (within the span of 3 hours). Hyper-toxic, turn-your-toes-yellow SHIT. Everywhere. Including the carpet. All the while cursing Gerber and their clever little pears-chicken-hummus combos that seemed soooo cute and healthy when you bought them.

2. Attempting to be a "Good Mom" by taking your daughter to a playdate at the YMCA so you could return home to take down all Christmas decor without boring (ignoring) said daughter, and subsequently fracturing/dislocating/severely spraining your foot -- you're still not sure, seeing as how divination didn't work and all WebMD came up with was "a possible dislocation, fracture, or severe sprain." You have no time to run to ER, as said Shitter has just awaken and is screaming for re-fueling, and daughter needs to be picked up before the clock strikes 12 and they throw her out.

3. When you arrive to pick up daughter, hobbling while hauling newly fueled Shitter (the babysitters insisted on seeing his shitty little face, otherwise he would be locked in the car; admit it), you begin scanning playscape for Miss Thang when from the girls' bathroom you hear, "Somebody!! I went poop! I need help wiping!!! Hello!!!", which would normally leave you laughing, but considering the fact that you now have to hobble while hauling Shitter #1 into the bathroom to wipe shitting Shitter #2's ass, you're not really in a laughing mood. (You're not sure why you didn't just hand off Shitter #1 to the adoring babysitters, and you don't appreciate anyone asking you that question, either.)

Hypothetically speaking, of course...