Saturday, October 29, 2005
...so I can fly far; far, far away." -- Forest Gump
Oh, sadness...My sister is leaving again. *sigh* Moving to Arizona via promotion, and though we are very happy and excited for her, it tugs at the heartstrings a bit (but just a bit -- like I said, she's already done this once...we know she'll be back again someday.) ;)
She had her going away party last nite aka: 80's Halloween Bash. Lalo, Jenn and I went as -- what else?-- NKOTB fans. I mean, if we're gonna do it real, then let's do just that. This was me circa 1988, except probably not even this cool. I know, hard to imagine, aaahhh, but let's not dwindle on the past....
Party was fun, but best part was by far the Giant Penis being attacked by the host's dog.
"Sic balls, Chopper!"
I'm off to meet Mom (thanks for watching the kiddos!) and the girls for our "Last Lunch" at Pappadeaux's, then it's off to the Halloween Carnival with Shawn and the kids. I am a lucky, lucky girl. :)
p.s. I miss you already Lea Lea...
Friday, October 28, 2005
He ate them all, then threw them up. Picked him up in his crib, covered in regurgitated carrots. In his hair, ears, nose, eyelids, etc... Carrots, anyone?
This fun discovery led to Jax's 1st Big Boy Bath!!
Funny Moment Of the Day: Mommy getting squirted by Jax's peepee while changing diarrhea diaper amidst screaming Ryan, "Mommy, let me out of the pantry!!!" (her new favorite hiding spot. She talks to Ariel, who apparently has moved into the carbonation inside the giant bottle of root beer we keep on pantry floor.)
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Preschoolers, Costumes and Candy galore. Sounds like fun, I know, especially seeing as how I am not hosting it and therefore can leave whenever I want (if my kid says it's okay, that is). So why do I look upon it with such trepidation? Well, the reasons are threefold:
1. I will inevitably have to prepare/buy something to bring ala "refreshments", as well as enough goodies for each child's trick or treat bag. This means I will intend to do a baking project with Ryan that will wield adorable little frosted halloween-shaped brownies, but instead, I will end up purchasing a package of Oreos the day before, and feel waves of guilt for being a BAD MOTHER. As for the Goody Bag essentials, they suggest candy, pencils, etc... Hmmm...rooting through old teacher-stuff and...yes! Here we go -- a roll of Alien stickers. Now, I will of course plan on pulling each one apart by their cute little perforated edges, but again, this will get put off until the last minute when, as we a rushing to leave, I will grab said roll and a pair of scissors and cut them in the car on the way over. This brings us to reason #2...
2. The time of this shindig is 10:30 am. Now, I have to factor Jaxson's nap in cause, let's be honest, he is one of my kids -- it's not just Ryan, you know!!! I have been trying very hard to not let her routine mess up his routine wherever possible (and vice versa), but this poses a problem because he is not always up by 10:00, which is when we need to leave in order to park within , oh you know, walking distance. Since I am trying to be even-handed, I will decide to let him sleep until 10, and then it's straight to car seat and car (in my infite wisdom, I will have already dressed him prior to nap-time. Thank God for the "Western Wear" trend -- all I have to do is choose one of his 15 cowboy onesies, a pair of jeans, add Ryan's old cowboy hat, and voila!). Ha. ha ha ha. This does not exactly happen the way I planned -- he wakes up right before 10 (as I am struggling into my fake-juicy velour suit), screaming with (what else?) uncontrollable and unexpected hunger -- ETA was 11:00. Okay. Make bottle, throw makeup into car, grab Ryan, run back into house to get her shoes, throw them in the car, run back into house to answer the phone -- sorry Mom, can't talk now! -- and shriek as I glance at the clock that now reads 10:15. Alrighty...I will do the sticker thing when we get there, and apply my makeup in the car. (These people HAVE to see that I do own makeup and can apply). Cut to me removing glasses (prescription) while driving in order to brush on eyeshadow, mascara, and a smear of lipstick/rouge. Luckily, I have done this before, so we arrive safely, and, incredibly, find a parking spot right out front!! Woo Hoo!! Front Row Joe!!! The morning is beginning to look brighter already! Then as we are walking into the library, Ryan declares, "Just wait Mommy -- they are all gonna start clapping when I walk in. How many people do you think will say I'm beautiful this time?" Shit. *Note to self: must insist Ryan start spending more time in "real world"...*
3. My child has no idea that most people don't have their own personal cheering squads following them around everywhere they go. She, however, usually does. She is blessed with being the first and only grandaughter on both sides of her family, is very closely surrounded by adult extended-family members on an almost-daily basis, and has a mother who is so worried about low self-esteem that she cheers on everything her child does. While I think all of this is great, most people that will be at this party do not know my child, will not understand her quirky, loud, insane habits that we think are just adorable and so heartily encourage. Of this I am sure, and it begins to scare me that they.will.not.like.her. By they I mean the other parents, natch. Sure enough, halfway through the first scary story about a witch, Ryan starts shrieking in mock-fear every time the witch cackles. Every time. At about the 4th shriek, I begin to whisper her name to get her to cut it out, in fear of the other parents' disapproval of my child, when I am stopped short by the sounds of the other kids laughing and the sight of them looking at her while doing so. Mother of God, they are laughing at her. My worst fear has come true and she is only 3. She will be a social outcast for the rest of her life. But then, I notice that she knows they are laughing at her, which it seems is why she is doing it. Doh! Double Doh!! My second-worst fear has now come true: she is JUST LIKE HER MOTHER.
Oh, this should be fun.
Supermommy here. From one superpower to another: I need your help.
This mommy business is hard, and has proven to be a bit more than this Supermommy can handle from time to time, w/o yelling, crying, or drinking *wink*. Would like to be better, non-dependent Supermommy, and so have endeavored to enlist your help in times of crises (yes, I know, this qualifies as being "dependent", but, whatever...) So, I am asking you to always help me remember the following:
1. These children are your gift to me to watch over and protect while you tend to other matters. I am NOT your gift to them, as much as I may like to believe otherwise.
2. Ryan only climbs over, under, and on top of me because she loves me and wants to be as close to me as possible.
3. This voracious appetite Jaxson has been blessed with will one day reap rewards upon us all, as it is preparation for becoming all-star pro-athlete who will eventually "hook" his parents up for the remainder of our days.
4. Ryan's sick obsession with the Disney Princesses and all related pictures, movies, merchandise, etc... is a result of my forcing them on her at early age to ensure she would have some girlie qualities. I only have myself to blame.
5. Jax is only 6 months old and can't help where he spits up, even when it's on my new blouse (that cost me more $$ than I'm allowed to admit, and will ensure that we never get out of debt)
6. When Ryan tells people that her Mommy has a big tummy, it is because my parenting skills in the "always tell the truth" department are excellent. Excellent.
7.No one in the entire world lights up the way Jax does every single time he sees me. Even at 3 am when I am tired, pissed, and all-around UGLY.
8. Ryan's tendency to "smother" her brother (figuratively and otherwise) is a clear example of how much she adores him.
9. The fact that Ryan and Jax are 3 1/2 years and 6 1/2 months, respectively, and still flourishing means I am doing SOMETHING right.
10. I may relenquish my Supermommy title at any given time, rendering me back to just plain "mommy"; enforcer of good, increasingly forgetful at times, neurotic to a fault, terrible housekeeper, but very very very able to laugh at herself & her situation whenever times get rough, tough and tumble. This regular mommy loves her kids more and more each day, and would murder, rape, and pillage for them should the need arise, though hopefully it never will, cause man I am the biggest wimp on Earth, and really hate confrontation of any kind.
Okay, so, umm, yeah, I think that's it.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Doesn't look like anyone is coming to my rescue.... Okay, I just finished off the top portion of the chocolate ice cream, and now I simply feel...sick. Mostly because Shawn is now pissed at me for being said Biatch (who can blame???), and currently not speaking to moi. Lovely. And to think, I've even actually been trying to be a better wife. No, really, I swear! In fact, I just started this new experiment where I leave one drawer or cabinet door open somewhere in the house each day. This is to help me with my "Oedipus Issue"; Shawn does the same annoying thing Big Daddy does -- he tends to just leave random cabinets or drawers wide open for no apparent reason. He hasn't been doing it so much lately,most likely b/c he tired of hearing me whine ( haha, you can learn from your kids!!). Anyway, I figure that if I leave something open, it will: a)help me become less closed-door neurotic; b)stop "sweating the small stuff" *muffled laughter inside my head*; c)remind me of how cute Shawn is. It was working...until I got into "addict mode", and Shawn dared try to be *horrific gasp* nice to me, and well, you know the rest...
Whatever. I'm off to read Harry Potter.
I got my willpower back and faced the gym (1st time in...too long). Went to my usual weight class where I was planning on taking it easy re:weights, but my instructor decided to throw a curve ball..a very big, bouncy curve ball.
Ahhhh, yes, the invention of the Exercise Ball -- the coordinated person's revenge on the rest of us who could do prat falls for a living (I mean, they've got to be jealous that no one laughs at them on a daily basis due to klutziness, right??) Anyway, have been using said ball for sometime now, but really, it never does get better. While I am experienced at weight training and aerobic exercise, this balancing thing escapes me. I can out run many an "athlete" on the treadmill(all the while managing NOT to knock myself out with my own breasts, thank you), and am no shrinking violet when it comes to sharing the weight room with nasty, sweating, grunting men-folk. I can even master a few good ab exercises on the damn ball. But when you get my whole body involved in moving while suspended on an unstable anything, well, it's definitely a recipe for trouble. I especially love it when they come up with some new-fangled way to use the Ball of Embarrassment, like today, when she had us do dips on our benches while keeping our feet on the ball, our back straight, and engaging our abs (read:sucking in). Okkaaayyy. She might as well have asked me to start break-dancing, because that's essentially what happened. Cut to me wobbling, falling, laughing to shake off nerves, trying again with tongue prominently stuck out, wobbling some more, ball slipping out from under me, laughing cause now it's funny, struggling to try again, only to have ball bounce into lady next to me, attempting to ignore snorts of laughter emitting from those behind me, laughing to avoid crying, & finally getting back up in time to complete last 3 dips with rest of class (They had already done 22 while I was putting on my little show). Whatever. I showed up, and that's half the battle, or something like that...
So now we are at the house, having JUST walked in, when Jax starts his thing. First there is whining, the Ryan whines back at him (she thinks this will make him stop), that just pisses him off more, so then he starts crying. I pick him up while trying to make Ry her peanut butter-banana hot dog (on a sugar-free whole wheat bun, I might add), all the while promising to read that damn Cinderella book as soon as I finish making her sandwhich. This is clearly a mistake, because now Jax has seen food, and starts doing his Cookie Monster imitation ("me want foooood!!!", only in very piercing baby cries). So, I set him in his high-chair, mix some baby oatmeal and water, sit at table with both kids, and then Mr. Man starts SHOUTING at me. Yes, that same shout he gave to Deacon Dan at his christening. I give him my " Ummm, excuse me, who the HELL do you think you're talkin' to??" look, at which point his little lower lip starts to quiver and he begins to wail. Great, now his feelings are hurt. So, I do what all women do when we want to soothe our men -- I feed him. Yeah, this time it's not working so well, 'cause he just keeps crying in between spoonfuls (Dear God, has he caught on already???)
Meanwhile, Ryan has not forgotten my promise to read her Cinderella, and is thrusting the book in my face. I take a deep breath, hold the book in my lap with one hand, continue feeding Jax with the other, and begin to read. "Ugghhh!! Mom!", says Ryan, "I can't see the pictures!!!"
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, help me now...
"Well," I reply curtly, "I am feeding your brother and cannot hold the book, blah blah blah" (Supermommy isn't THAT super, people). Luckily, the heavens hear my plea, and at that exact moment we catch a bit of intereference on our kitchen baby monitor. Apparently, some other supermommy not too far away is also doing battle with evil, cause this baby is not even coming up for air. Ryan hears the distant cries, and is suddenly quietly alert. "Mom...what is that? It can't be Jax, he's right here..."
"Oh, that's our Ghost Baby." I reply nonchalantly. Yeah, I lied, and I'd do it again if I had to.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we have ghosts in the house, and one of them is a baby who lives in Jax's room when he's not in there."
"Oh. My. Gaawwwd."
Hee hee. Hey, it got her to sit quietly and eat, and Cinderella was completely forgotten. Plus, when we walked upstairs just now to put Jax to bed, she got to be his very own Ghostbuster -- jumping into his room and declaring that "all ghost babies had to leave 'cause Jax is ready to take his nap!"
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
2. I consistently make my bed every morning to keep myself from jumping back in. Seriously, this is the only reason.
3. When Shawn & I talk about our dream vacation, it always consists of at least 2 days of straight sleep.
4. Out of necessity, I have stopped turning Jax's monitor on at night. If he really needs me, he'll scream. And trust me, he does. (oh, unclench -- his room is only 5 feet from mine)
Monday, October 24, 2005
Anyway, I think Fall really is here now, as evidenced by the following photos. BTW -- my husband takes this carving thing WAY seriously (we're talking stencils, etc...), so BE SURE to compliment him on "Scary Jack" -- it really is his best one yet!! ;)
Ryan at the Pumpkin Patch. She is poking the goat with a stick that her Dad ( you know, the one who is constantly wondering why she picks on her brother and is such a tomboy) helped her pick out for that exact purpose. (See Below)
Shawn and the kids with "Scary Jack", minutes after his conception, and then later in full "glow" mode.
~Quote of the Day~
Ryan to Shawn: "You think you're sooo cute, don't you???"
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
If Elvis IS still out there, someone needs to let him know that he has been de-throned. Jaxson Thomas is now the current King of the Pelvic Thrust. He is always doing them -- in the crib, on the floor, on my lap, in his carseat -- EVERYWHERE!!! He and I are having a discussion about napping at this very moment -- I'm saying "Yes", he's saying.."yeah, I don't think so. " Hang on -- am being attacked by Hyper Ghost (Ryan in one of Shawn's dirty undershirts...yummy). Apparently she has forgotten the thing about Mommy having a bad back, as well as the fact that I am trying to coerce Jax into sleeping (judging by the high-pitched "OOOHHHH" sounds emitting from dirty undershirt).
Joyfully, she has also finally learned how to open the front door all by herself. This was discovered just this morning when washing dishes at the sink, I turned around to find Big Daddy in full Rough Rider regalia standing in my kitchen. If that won't stop your heart and turn your hair white, I don't know what will. After I came to, I found out that Ry had graciously opened the door for him. Swell.
Mommy Brain Attack: Searching through the fridge for the 5 lb. jar of Mayo (God Bless Sam's) to make tuna fish -- nowehere to be found. Surely it couldn't all be gone -- last I looked there was at least 2 lb left...No sweat, supermommy just happens to have another unopened jar in pantry. Just let me get it -oh, would you look at that? There's the old 5 lb jar, front & center in pantry, yellowing nicely right in front of my eyes!! Must have left that there last time I made tuna...Tue??? Whoopsie Poopsie!!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Played with Ryan's castle blocks today. Went something like this:
"Mommy, let's pretend this Dragon I'm holding is Maleficent, and this Princess I'm holding is Sleeping Beauty. You be everybody else. Now try to kill Maleficent." **Note to self -- must research 3 yr old obsession w/death/killing/dead. Is it common, or just ours???
Me: "Okay" (groan).
Me: (Now playing the horse) "Oh, Maleficent here I come -- I will stop you and rescue Sleeping Beauty!!!" (Thank you; former drama teacher here -- don't feel inferior, I've been trained.)
Ryan hits my horse with the Dragon.
Me: "oh, I've been burned, aaahhhh.."
Me as Knight: I will stop you Maleficent!! You are no match for my sword!!"
Ryan hits my Knight with the Dragon. Me: "Oh, I've been burned!! aaahhhhh"
Again, Ryan in hysterics.
This continues pretty much the same way with me as Prince Phillip, the King, the Mother, and the Good Wizard.
Finally, tard-o here catches on and confronts the puppeteer.
Me: "Ry, it's no fun if someone doesn't get to kill Maleficent and save Sleeping Beauty."
Ryan: (exasperated sigh) "No, Mom. Sleeping Beauty is going to save herself."
Oh. My. God. We must be the greatest parents in the world. Our 3 yr old is a modern, liberated woman, and we haven't even begun to touch on that whole equality thing. Hell, we're only just now trying to figure out how to explain the fundamental difference between her and her brother. (I will not use the words penis or vagina in any conversation of any kind with my child. never. you can't make me.)
Me: (gushing with pride) "Oh... cool." Must act nonchalant, for fear she may figure out that it's usually the other way around, and so be tempted to reverse her thinking. Plus, if she sees me get excited about something she does, she'll purposely start doing the opposite. It's that teenage thing again.
Ryan: (as SB) "Oh, family! I'm back, it's okay. I made it."
Me: (as Pr. Phillip) "Sleeping Beauty! I'm so glad to see you! Come kiss me my love!!"
Ryan: "Ooh! No, I love my Mom and Dad. I don't want to dance with you, I want to dance with my Daddy."
*my heart breaking with joy*
Then, of course, the moment comes to a crashing end as she grabs her giant Talking Dora doll and "kills" SB and fam. Oh, c'mon - what'd you expect???
Jax update: Still rattling, no sleep. He hates me, and I can't blame him. You wouldn't like me much either if every time you saw me I was wielding: a. bulb aspirator to suck the snot out of your nose; b. thermometer to stick up your butthole; c. freaky mask-thing to force over your face for 20 straight minutes. BTW, my Halloween costume idea has changed for him. Now I'm thinking: Darth Vader???
POST CORRECTION: I have been informed by Menana that I have the '85 BK Fiasco story all wrong. Apparently, she was upset because they had kept us waiting in the drive-thru, taking "forever and a day" to get our order down, during 104 degree heat. The girls and I were in agony, so clearly she needed to say something. Any good mother would. (Did I get it right, Mom?)
~quote of the day~
Shawn: "Um, Amy, could you um, maybe... clean our toilet? It's starting to smell kinda funny."
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Anyway, Jax went back to "doc", was apparently slightly better than yesterday (though not to the naked ear), but not quite "better enough", so she put him on STEROIDS. Super. Now, along with teething, flu-shot fever, and general 6 month crankiness, I also have to be ready for Roid-Rage?? All this news, and it was only 10 am. However, I was being assured by doc that he was a *cringe* "Happy Wheezer". Please -- do not even get me started.
So, swell -- another office co-pay, another med that I am being FORCED to PAY to have to pump through my fragile, fat-but-delicate little baby. Oh woe is me. *violins in the distance* Luckily, our ped has her own unique brand of "special humor". She laughingly told me not to worry -- the roids (sounds so much cooler than "steroids" -- damn, I've been hit by the NEB bug) will only be taken orally for 3 days, so no worries over enlarged testicles or anything. ha. ha ha. Has she seen the size of his irregular nut? Sorry for being crass (elders), but it's just been that kind of a day.
Okay, so we crossed that bridge, then zoomed over to gymnastics so Ryan could torment other children her size (and bigger) while I looked on proudly. Truly, at this point in the day (11 am), I was giggling with maniacal glee when she refused to let a little boy take his turn on the parallel bars -- totally(and need I say obviously) pretending not to hear or see him (VERY Phoebe Buffet).
*pause -- must go tend to the CRYING "Happy Wheezer"*
Needless to say, Ryan had to be pulled aside and "talked" to (but only one time --improvement!). Then again, so did I. Truly. As if my day that started at 3:15 am, (if it ever really ended from the night before -- I'm not sure; does 2 hrs. sleep qualify as a proper transition period from one day to the next??) needed any more "moments", the instructor pulled me aside in the hallway afterwards to inform me that we had not paid for this month yet, and could we please do so lest our daughter be dropped from the class?? WHOA NELLIE. For some reason this totally triggered a brain fart of the highest degree in moi, and I quickly replied by muttering/stuttering something along the lines of "yuh huh we did", "husband.. croupe.. check", "receipt.. NEB.. receipt". Think Milton from Office Space: "but that's my stapler...".
I then proceeded to spend 5 agonizing minutes digging through my purse, desperately searching for the freakin' receipt. They better be glad I couldn't find it, or else they would have seen a performance reminiscent of my mother at Burger King , circa 1985: "I am NEVER coming back to this establishment!!! What horrible service! I cannot believe they pay you people!" (Hey, when the woman says no onions, she means no onions. ) Lucky for Ryan, too. I seem to remember wishing I was dead during said performance, circa 1985.
Anyway, I did find the carbon copy of the check, which I presented to them with much conviction (Whatever. I'm a total wimp. Again, I reference the BK Fiasco of '85), they corrected their records, and all was copacetic. For the time being.
Okay, so gymnastics puts us 2 more notches down on the MOTY scale, for those of you keeping track. Lunch was decent, with the exception that I forgot to go get the Roid prescription filled (another notch south). Now this is when the fun really begins. Around 1:30, as the kids are napping and I'm finishing off my lunch, followed by an Almond Joy purchased after yesterday's Doctor's visit (did I mention I'm an emotional eater?), I completely lose my mind. I've suddenly realized that the prescription I was supposed to have given Jax this morning has yet to even be filled, as it is sitting in the back pocket of my jeans, which needed unbuttoning due to the Almond Joy. I can take no more of this. Silently raging, and not wanting to disturb my kids while they are being on their best behavior (read:asleep), I take out my frustration on the VCR. Why, you ask? Well you see, not only am I superb at this mothering business, I also happen to be a klutz of the first order. Not just the fall down, tripping- on- your- own -two -feet klutz (puh-lease, I passed that milestone back in the 9th grade), but the George Costanza kind of klutz. You know, the one where you just can't believe stuff like that would really happen to someone, or that someone could be SO STUPID?? Well, believe it. I'm right up there with Homer Simpson, Larry David, Bridget Jones, et al. Want proof -- pay attention:
About 2 months ago, I was gathering our library books and videos to return to the library when I managed to accidentally drop an Aladdin video on the couch. No big deal, right? Well, you wouldn't think so, but then again, you're not me. Apparently a piece of that black thing on the VHS that covers the inner tape broke off, and I got called on it by the Head Librarian. And let me tell you -- she ain't no Spring Chicken. I used all my best defenses ("how do you know I broke it? It looked perfectly fine when I dropped it off" -- minus 3 notches), and still I got hit with a $26 fine. $26 for a crappy not-even-the-real-movie Aladdin video that I ended up purchasing at Amazon for a mere $10. But even then, when you add shipping and the library's BOGUS processing fee of $8 -- you know, to cover the charges of putting on a new bar code and entering the number into the computer; the TRUE fleecing of America -- it still ended up costing me $24. So I swore "never again"!! But, naturally, one month ago, our VCR stopped working suddenly -- with a tape from the library still inside it. Since then, I've been renewing it online every two weeks, but I reached my limit last week, and now it's overdue, and costing me 40 cents a day. So today I finally call Best Buy and Circuit City to find out if they can help get the tape out, which they will, but both for the price of $29. I wouldn't even purchase a brand new VCR for $29, and that fee is just to get the tape out -- not even to fix the damn thing. Of course, there is NO WAY I am going to go back to the library without that tape -- I would rather spit in my own eye -- so I decide to take matters into my own hands. Literally. See Pics: Step 1: "In the Beginning..." A very "AARGG AARGG AARRGG Tim-the- Tool- Man- Taylor" moment as I successfully remove the cover of the VCR.
Step 2: "Ummhmmm...Yes, I see... Well, clearly this does not belong here, as it obviously came off much too easily when pried..."
Step 3: Problem Located. "If I could just get this white gizmo doo-hickey thing to move , I could just 'pop' the tape out..."
Step 4: I Am Woman. Hear me roar.
BTW -- All objects in last pic are still in exact same spot right now, 9 hours later -- w/exception of rescued VHS; it is SAFELY tucked away in library bag. Should probably clean up before Shawn (aka"Bull In China Shop") comes home. Mom saves the day with no extra charges incurred -- VCR was already broken, so that doesn't count. Move one space up MOTY ladder.
Now, slide 3 spaces back down as I realize at 3:30 that I still haven't dropped off roid prescription at pharmacy. Shit. Come with me as I search for my daughter who is holding funeral services for all 3 of her Ariel mermaid dolls, singing "Oh, you are dead. Oh no. You do not know that I am the witch and the spinning needle and the ugly stepsister!! I can help you, if you can DREAM..." (all on one note, all at loudest level possible.) This where "Drama Queens Attack"comes in. I tell Ry that I'm sorry to interrupt, but we really must get in the car so we can go drop Jax's prescription off so that he can get his meds asap. To this, she runs to her brother, screaming, "Jax!! Are you dead?? It's me, Ryan!!! Can you hear my voice???" I am now the definition of frazzled, so I try to pull her off of him, to which she replies by screaming bloody murder. so of course I send her to her room. While she's away, I'm rushing to put Jax in his car seat and I hear the most gut-wrenching sobbing coming from upstairs. Christ on a cracker. What now??? I run up to her room, where she is flailing about on her floor, tears streaming, crying, "Daddy!! Daddy, can you hear me? I need you Daddy! Daddy help me!! Please come home!! Answer me, Daddy!! Daddy, I NEED YOU!!!!"
I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The solution to this problem is to use a Nebulizer, which blasts albuterol through an oxygen mask attached to Jax's face for about 20 minutes. Every four hours. I don't really think it's that big a deal, though it is a bit psychologically crippling to see your 6 month old wearing an oxygen mask. Shawn obviously hates it -- he cringes every time I pull the thing out. Naturally, he is worried about Jax's health, but let's be honest -- there is a little concern about Jax playing sports in the future. I can't tell you how many times he asked the doctor "does this mean he'll be an asthmatic for life"? (read: will he be able to play sports when he gets bigger? What about sports? Will he be able to play sports? He'll be able to play sports, right?) BTW, it's impossible to know for sure, but RSV does mean he has a better chance of developing asthma later on. Ryan is totally taking her cues from Shawn. At the doctor's office, she even demanded that the nurse "take that thing off my BROTHER!!". (VERY FUNNY -- I had to laugh to keep from crying). I've been trying to explain it to her, telling her that it's just a way for Jax to get his meds so that his cough will go away. I think she's coming around a bit -- this evening, she asked to hold it on his face. Either that, or I've raised a truly sadistic child. Let's go for Door #1.
I'm trying to be the cup-half-full gal. I just know this will be a mere sound-bite in his "True Hollywood Story: The Life of a 3-Sport Hall of Famer" (did I say cup-half-full, or cup-overflowing??).
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Well, for those of you who come to enjoy my sarcastic "wit", I'm afraid I may be disappointing you this time (I know -- "what do you mean, this time??"). All in all, we have had an awesome couple of days. Crazy, yes, but then again, they usually are!
We went to the Hairy Man Festival on Saturday, where Ryan got to meet Spike, the Round Rock Express's Mascot (see pic). They were standing under a blue tarp, which should explain the quality of the pic. However, Shawn took the pic, so you never know...;) We had a really good time-- Ryan played games (Shawn was sooo impressed by how well she nailed the giant Jack-o-lantern with her bean bags), won candy, and she and I even won the Cake Walk on our 1st try. Naturally, we took home the cupcakes with the MOST gaudy decorations, but she liked them, so we made the sacrifice... We saw some dancers who should NOT be classified as such, took a "train" ride, and Mommy ALMOST tried the "Euro-Bungy", but we ran out of tickets. Next time, though, you better believe I'm gonna be ready!! The only bad part was when Ryan got the BIGGEST Strawberry I have ever seen on her rear from one of those moonwalk slides. Seriously, I would have been crying! BTW, Jax slept through the whole thing. Then, of course, the Astros won game 3 (BIG WHEW, considering binky is still MIA), so Shawn was in a great mood for the rest of the day!!
We all went to church this morning, had a lovely lunch with the fam, came home and took a group nap, and then celebrated another Astros win!!! Ryan had a great time playing with the neighbors, which she has been DYING to do since she waited on the doorstep for them to come home for an hour the other day, only to have to leave right when they arrived! Jax is still suffering from his croupy cough, but we have a doctor appt tomorrow, so we should be able to take care of it quickly. This is important, because we'll need to make way for the next illness waiting to take hold and suck the life out of our little family. Ryan freed the snails today, though not intentionally -- she took them out to show her friends, and then just forgot to put them back. Whaddya know, ADD can be a great thing. We painted little monsters (supposed to be pumpkins, but Mommy realized a little too late that there was no orange paint, so we improvised and used black & red instead) out of to-go cups -- I'll post pics tomorrow.
It's almost 9:30, and Ryan is till running around, so I guess I should stop typing and go do the "Mom" thing. I'm telling you, "Mother of the Year"...believe it baby!!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
"Okay, so clearly she is wanting me to do something...she keeps making those weird faces and barking orders at me. Now if I could just figure out what she wants. Hmmm.....Oopsie, I'm feeling a little wobbly..."
"What the...? What is she jumping up and squealing about this time? Well, I must be doing something good, 'cause she's smiling, and there's that damn camera again. Can't she see I'm trying to sit on my own? Man, what does a kid have to do to get some peace and quiet around here? How can anyone be expected to achieve one of life's great accomplishments with a crazy lady following them around all day? The things I have to put up with..."
Friday, October 14, 2005
I especially LOVE how she has taken to instructing me on what I should/should not be doing (this is that "know-it-all" thing I was talking about). Last night, after I'd come home from a long meeting and had read her a story, sang her a song, and tucked her in, she enters my bathroom and berates me for being up. "You're supposed to be in bed, Mom. You're not supposed to be looking at your 'old lines' (Ryan-speak for wrinkles)". Or how about when I get on to her for something and she calls Shawn to tell him that I am being mean and yelling at her (who, me?). The funny part is that she demands that he do something about it! She loves to turn off the tv as I'm watching it, telling me that if I want to watch, I have to give her a ticket.
But by far the best are her MOOD SWINGS. Now, I have no idea where she gets these from, but man do they suck. Like yesterday, she spent most of the day refusing to let me help her with the potty. That is, until about 4:30pm -- at the exact moment that I was trying to answer the phone and put away groceries. Then she wanted help. And lucky for me, she let me know not by asking, but by whining - can't get enough of that!! Since the day had been on a downward spiral since, oh, 7 am, I was at the breaking point, so I turned to her, and in the most monster-like voice you have ever heard, I yelled at her to just go to the bathroom!! I then continued to rant about how she was a big girl, she'd been going alone all day, etc, etc, etc. She responded by peeing all over herself, the floor, and her brand-new suede boots. Lovely. What's more, my neighbor got to hear my excellent mothering skills word-for-word, as she was sitting right outside and the front door was open. Perfect. (BTW, thanks for the offer of a hug, Elisa -- however did you know??) Oh, for the days of the "terrible two's"....they grow up so fast, don't they?? :)
P.S. So you think I'm over-exaggerating this whole teenager thing? Well, guess what her new favorite past-time is? Laying on the floor next to her radio and listening to "her music". Love It!!!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Jax sat up by himself for very 1st time today, and for once I was ready w/camera in hand; however, the internet's force is not with me this evening, so pics will have to follow...
I have once again fallen prey to those practical jokesters who call themselves pediatricians. Blindly, I took their advice about FORCING my poor innocent baby to try to fall asleep on his own (again), and once again, all efforts proved futile. I thought I'd try it at naptime today, Jaxson said, "not so much." He cried for 2 hours this time. Not hungry, not hurting, just wanting his damn binky... I have once again been foiled by the mind of someone who can't even wipe their own ass. Will it ever end????
Speaking of binkies (damned and otherwise), I have lost the Bless-ed Binky. That's right. The holy Astros binky went missing today
Okay, I have to interrupt -- Ryan caught a live snail the other day (and naturally named it Ariel), and we've been keeping it in an empty coffee can, checking on it daily. Usually it stays downstairs, but today she noticed it had left little trails of poop, and so brought it upstairs to show it off. So here it is, sitting next to the computer, and all of a sudden, I hear "thump". I haven't checked yet, but I think it may have fallen off the underside of the lid, which probably means it's dead. Great. Looks like we'll be having a funeral service tomorrow. All are welcome. In lieu of flowers, please send monetary donations to: Ryan's Piggy Bank, so she can buy herself a real pet, and not have to dig around in the backyard for something to love.
*back to my previous story*
Yeah, so, binky is missing. Not good, considering tonite is the opening nite of Astros series vs. Cards, I may seem blase about this, but don't kid yourself -- I was on hands andknees at the YMCA today, going over every inch of that nursery trying to find the thing. The ladies in there were like, "Ummm, do you not have any other binkies????" Fools. Anyway, I've been thinking about it, and the binky was blessed, so no matter where it is, it's still HOLY, right? Well, just in case, I made Shawn an apple pie from scratch. Maybe he won't get too upset when he finds out I've jinxed his team. Yeah. Maybe. Uh-huh. Crap, I'm in trouble.
One last note -- looks like the American Dream has reared its ugly head once again. Big Daddy has gone into politics -- just another good 'ole Democrat from Arkansas, folks! He is running for the city council in HSB, and we are all pulling for him!! I know h
Just heard Ariel the snail go "thump" again. I guess maybe she's not dead; rather, she's just a snail's version of "The Little Engine That Could"... struggling to reach the top where possibly she could slip out of one of the airholes, only to fall down halfway there. But she's not giving up, folks, no sir! Will keep you all posted on this tantalizing journey. (How sad am I?)
*back 2 story*
I know the big guy will kick some ass -- show 'em how it's done!!! :)
"Ryan Remark" for the day:
"Mommy, do you know who sniffs butts?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Mommy, just guess who sniffs butts."
"That's gross, Ryan"
"MOMMY!!! JUST GUESS!"
"I don't know, Ryan, who?"
"YOU do!! "
*erupts into a fit of giggles, then stops and pauses*
"Mommy? What does sniff mean?"
Can't make this stuff up, people.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Gymnastics today -- again, our daughter is freakishly talented. I especially enjoyed watching her pick the wedgie out of her little butt every 5 minutes. Special. I was also utterly amused when one of the instructors was trying to get Ryan to pay attention and follow the rules -- in another words, she was asking her to be someone else. I just sat back and laughed...sucker. Boy, did that lady get frustrated! She may need to attend one of Amy's Transcendental Orientations. Goes something like this: pop a fluoxotine, take a deep breath, smile and nod, smile and nod. Repeat pill popping if necessary. And if all else fails, threaten, threaten, threaten. Nine times out of ten, you don't even have to follow through! Anyway, I was just glad it was that chick and not me.
Jax has come down with something -- most likely the expected croup, courtesy of Ryan. He's been extra cranky, spitting up more than usual, and not sleeping much at all -- I know, you WISH you had my life! Anyway, when Shawn got home, Jax's voice had become pretty hoarse, and Dr. York was all over it!! I love how worked up Shawn gets when the kids get "sick". Me, I come from the "school of salt water", via Big Daddy (FLASHBACK: Dad, my stomach hurts -- gargle salt water; Dad, I think I broke my arm -- gargle salt water; Dad, I accidentally got pregnant -- gargle salt water) you think I'm kidding? Ask my sisters. They'll tell ya. Anyway, with Shawn, it's "pop open the medical books, we may need to perform emergency surgery". However, this is only true when it comes to the kiddos -- he completely refuses to see a Doctor of any kind for himself *aggravated eye roll*. But I keep forgetting that he is invincible. :)
Long short, he is pretty concerned about Jax, I think Jax is just faking it for attention. Somewhere in the middle, we will meet and our kids will survive -- I have faith.
Well, I've just been summoned by Ryan to come sing her a song -- it's bedtime here -- so I must go. Let me leave you with a Ryan Remark:
Today she saw one of those wrinkle commercials where the woman says, "I'm not afraid to show my face". A few minutes later she looks at me very soberly and declares, "You know Mommy, I'm not afraid to show my face either." Way to fight the signs of aging with grace and dignity Ryan. You are my role model.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Ok, so I'm no astrologer, but I feel certain that all the stars, moons ,suns, etc... were in align or waxing or waning or doing whatever it is they do to make things "click" yesterday. What an amazing day we had! I know I've mentioned that our family must be humor for God, but really, I swear we are on His "favorites" list -- He is just always right there, you know?? We baptized Jax on Sunday (and the Astros, but we'll get to that). Absolutely gorgeous day, beautiful service, and almost EVERY family member was in attendance (we missed Lea & Courtaney *sad face*). Big Shout Out to Lalo & Jeff -- God knows our kids could use all the spiritual help they can get!! ;)
Although the service did go well, it certainly had the "Roberts/York" touch! As the deacon began the service and went around to bless each baby (there wer SEVEN), he accidentally skipped us. Jaxson was having NONE of that. He started screaming at the deacon. Not a crying scream, but a "hey, get yor ass over here and bless me, dammit!" kind of scream. See pic. Truly, the kid shouted. That's my baby!! :)
Natch, everybody thought that was just adorable(well, I did, and am thus assuming everyone else felt the same). Next came the whole water thing. It went by (shockingly) without anyone falling in (Amy), drowning the baby (Shawn), or using the Holy Water to blow bubbles (Ryan). Actually, it was very touching to stand back while holding Ryan and watch Shawn cradle Jax while he was christened. I was all, you know...*sniffle*. I guess I'm becoming nice and stuff. Damn...
Anyway, the REAL magic occured when Deacon Dan annointed Jax with oil on his ear and his mouth (so that he may hear Christ and speak...Christly?? OH, so that's why they made us take a class...). Jaxson had been a little fussy and was sucking on his now infamous ASTROS binky when he (and said binky) was annointed, thus also annointing the 'Stros. The rest is history -- literally. A record-breaking playoff game ensued, and I am convinced that the Astros finally won because of the BLESSED BINKY!! (Chris Burke may disagree with me, but he'll just have to take a number). Great day; lots more pics to follow... Enjoy!!
Saturday, October 8, 2005
Friday, October 7, 2005
Woohoo!! It is finally beginning to feel like fall! This morning we had a low of 50 degrees, and the high only got up to about 54 degrees, so you know what that means....break out the cute clothes!!! I love fall and winter outfits on kids, they make them look like "little people" (the rest of the time, they just resemble aliens). Expect lots of pics for a while!! :)
Shawn is starting to come around a bit -- as he was leaving at about 3:30 this morning, Jax started crying, and Shawn went in all on his own, and gave Jax a binky. Of course, afterwards, he came back into the bedroom to let me know that he "thought" Jax felt wet, so I should probably go change him...baby steps, people. :)
We had a fun day today -- Ryan's friend Brookly came with Melanie, baby Bella, and newborn Will for a visit. The girls hadn't seen each other in a while, so it was fun for them to have a play date. We ate a lot, talked a lot, etc... All in all, it was just a perfect visit! The picture is great, too!
This whole "TV Ticket" program we started is coming back to bite me in the butt, and we are only on week3!! Who knew that the REAL TV Abuser was...ME!!??? But, we are not giving up!!! I know that this is just the "withdrawl" phase; it will get easier...please, God, let it get easier...
Thursday, October 6, 2005
I took a nasty little spill down the stairs at 3am last nite (going to make you- know -who a bottle), and I messed up my shoulder, so I'm in pain and I'm tired -- this will be short and sweet. We had a fun little day of Firsts here today. Shawn taught Jax how to blow a Raspberry for the first time, and it was really neat because we were all here to see it and celebrate. Except now he won't stop. :) Ninny made Ryan her very first S'more tonite (Shawn's first S'more, too), and they were very yummy!! My first was that I made Apple Cinnamon Raisin Scones (from scratch!) and they were really good! Really. They were!! I also made Basil-Stuffed Chicken for the first time, which won rave reviews from the peanut gallery, but they were a pain in the butt to make, so this first will also be a LAST!! It's amazing the things you can accomplish when you eliminate nap time!!;) About the pic -- Ryan thought it would be funny to put Shawn's glasses on -- only now she can't see at all.
Our garage door has fallen off of its track and is now hanging at an amusing little angle. Very Sanford & Son. Luckily, I have a MAN here to take care of things -- Shawn was quick to remove the lawnmower, power tools, and his golf clubs out of harms way and into our neighbor's garage. Wheww! Dodged a bullet there! ;) Don't know yet what the cost will be to repair (although we are pretty sure we're gonna need a whole new door), or even how it happened. We'll have to have someone come out in the morning. All we know is when Shawn tried to put the door down this evening, it had a different idea... Okay, so that takes care of dinner time (and COMPLETELY overshadows the delicious Harvest Baked Apples I made for dessert); let's move back a bit to early this evening, shall we???
Funny funny funny! When Shawn got home from work today, Ryan was all over him, telling him all about the witch, monster, and ghost that were being mean to her in the Big Room. "You have to make them leave Daddy!" Shawn didn't even flinch. He walked straight into the Big Room, grabbed the "witch", yelled at her to to stay away from Ryan, wrenched open the front door and threw her from the house. All totally serious -- he actually YELLED! He then proceeded to do the same thing with the ghost and the monster. SUCH an awesome Dad. BTW, we are not at all worried about the sudden infestation of witches, monsters, and ghosts -- the more the merrier, right?
Miss Ryan rode her bicycle all by herself for the very first time this afternoon. Of course I had to threaten sending the bike back to Santa if she didn't, but it worked, didn't it? Anyway, she got about 3 full pedal rotations, and was spent. Truly. She jumped off the bike, said, "Oh, I'm so tired now", and dragged herself over to the water bottle for a drink. Oh, Miss Scarlett, Miss Scarlett!
Earlier this morning we took a little trip to the bank (and you KNOW how much I love doing that!) It was relatively quick, in and out, but when we got back to the car, all hell broke loose. "Oh My GOD Mommy!! I left my princess clock paper in the bank! Oh you have to get it, I have to get it, let me out!!!!" Seriously -- tears streaming down her face. I had let Ryan open one of those coupon mailers we had received in the mail, only to have her find a damn ad for a cheesy wall clock with the disney princesses on it. Go Figure. So naturally, she just had to hold it, gaze at it longingly, and take it with her everywhere. It was all she could talk about, all she could think about....until we got into the bank's lobby and she saw the totally wicked water cooler that she just HAD to play with. Then it was hasta la vista princess clock paper. Long story short, the ordeal ended with me and one of the customer service reps picking through the trash cans in the lobby to find the thing. True story. (And I swear, if ANYONE thinks of getting her that clock, I will kill you. Murdered. Maimed. DEAD.) Oh, and don't bother buying her the Cinderella DVD either, she's got it already -- she just doesn't know it yet!
This brings us to the start of the day, or rather, the end of last night. I had just fed, changed, and drugged Jax (oh calm down, I just gave him some baby tylenol for his teeth), who was rubbing his eyes and yawning, which made ME assume he was tired and ready to go to bed -- silly Mommy. So I put him down in his crib, gave him his binky, and left the room. Not 2 minutes later, he was crying. Trying to be a smart, modern Mom, I decided to "let him cry it out". I mean, I knew he was okay, so what better time to start that wonderful "tough love" tactic, right? WRONG!!!! The kid cried, no, SCREAMED for an hour and a half!!! ("I Won't Be Ignored!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Think Glenn Close ala "Fatal Attraction". ) Move over "Tenacious D", 'cause "Tenacious J" has taken the stage! And do you know what was wrong with him? He wanted his BINKY. That was it. I popped it in his mouth, and he was gone. I think he hates me. It's either that, or he's getting back at me for the "irregular danglers" post. Can't really say I blame him....
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
Monday, October 3, 2005
Yay!! I did it!! Big Moment for Amer -- I finally was able to upload a picture directly to my post -hopefully you all can see it; I know some of you haven't been able to see the other pics I've posted. If you can't see this one, you're out of luck!! BTW, this is Lea & the kids at Chili's this past week..AAAAWWWW. ;)
This is going to be a speedy-rific post, I've got lots and lots to do... First of all, Big Thanks to DANA -- he is the ONLY ONE who left a comment for the Baptism post. He gets a GOLD STAR!!! In the future, please comment on posts so we all can see what you think about the kiddos, etc... It's also a good way for you all to share stories about what some of us were like when we were younger -- you know, did Shawn do the same things that Jax & Ry are doing, etc... Okay, I'm done berating!! Anyway, the baptism is scheduled for THIS SUNDAY 10/9 at St Thomas More (our parish) in Austin. It is set for 2pm, but we will need to be there by 1:45. I'm thinking we will probably do brunch before or lunch after -- again, a consensus would be appreciated!!!
Ryan had a case of the croupe this weekend, but we took her in to the Dr today, and she is on the "productive side" of the illness now, meaning she should be clear of anymore fevers, and her coughs will probably last another week or 2, but should help her feel better. We had her check Jax while we were there, and she said that he looks fine, but it's likely he will get the croupe soon as well....
The "Duplantis"/"Roberts"/"York" family went to Octoberfest in Fredericksburg this past Sunday, and we had a pretty good time, barring Ry's illness. More pics to come...
Finally, just some tidbits from today: Shawn is playing baseball at the Dell Diamond right now with Rudy's. It's a neat little thing they've decided to do, so I hope he is having fun -- I'm SURE his team is winning!!:) Ryan gave me her first EYE ROLL today, and it was like a shot in the heart. I just can't write about it anymore -- the wound is too fresh!! No tooth yet for Jax, but we are on alert!! I've got lots of cleaning to do, so I'm signing off.....