Thursday, January 5, 2006

MOTY Alert

While lamenting over my horrible terrible awful injury, I feel I may have neglected my Mommy Blogging duties, ie: writing about, um, the kids and stuff. This infraction must certainly be worth oh-so-multiple MOTY points, so in a Hail Mary attempt to redeem my MOTY chances, here are a few new juicy details straight from the lives of Ry & Jax:

1. Ryan now refers to me at all times as "servant", eg: after wiping her butt today (and yes, this was only a FOLLOW-UP wipe; since the Y incident I'm definitely putting my foot down --my left one, that is), she responded in the following snarky manner: "Thank you, servant." This also occurs with every meal served, every shoe tied/buckled, every golden goose delivered, etc...

2. Jaxson has essentially turned into the dictator we all knew he would be. He's now progressed to pointing and yelling. At random intervals, no less. Bobby Knight doesn't even come close. If Big Daddy's family history of heart disease doesn't get Jax in the end, that throbbing vein in his forehead definitely will.

3. By now we are all aware of the phenomenon that is Vince Young and the Longhorns, but none of us so much as Ryan who accepted no less than 4 phone calls yesterday evening between 8pm and 11pm, all of which required her to scream "TEXAS! FIGHT!" at ungodly decibels that surprisingly failed to wake previously mentioned dictator.

4. Shawn forced me to buy Huggies the other day after he insisted the generic Walmart brand cheap-as-shit diapers I purchased last week were unacceptable. Since then Jax has leaked all over my left hip 3 times. Good call, Babe.

5. Sweet Jesus Say A Prayer, Ryan has discovered the wonderful world of kissing boys. She hasn't actually committed said CRIME as of yet, rather, she merely enjoys telling her dad that she has, so as to watch his reaction. Shits and giggles ensue.

6. Now that Jax has officially learned to crawl, I will apparently have to start mopping the wood floors more often (though how much more often than every other month is really necessary??). We own a baby gate for our house, but naturally it doesn't fit any doorway known to man, so we've been reduced to blocking off doorways with furniture. Ryan loves this; Mommy on crutches? Not so much. And before you even think of asking what happened to the gates we used with Ryan, let me just say: eBay.

7. In an extension of above tidbit, Ryan has also taken to tackling her baby brother when he gets too close to the stairs. I support her 100%.

8. In further extension of above extension, do not be worried about Jax, re: tackling injuries. He took a football in the face last week and totally rocked it like a champ. We're talking big people football, y'all. Thrown by an actual Big Person. You wouldn't have been able to handle it. Seriously.

9. In other news, Jaxson now drools uncontrollably and can frequently be found banging his head against any hard surface available. We're chalking it up to teething. Do not try to convince us otherwise.

10. I just left Ryan in her bed, cuddled up with Buenos Noches Dora, a stuffed puppy dog, her cabbage patch kid, a pink Boo-Bah, Baby Ariel, and multiple Happy Meal toys. I dare any of you to try to make her relinquish even one of these items. I tried to do just that, and we sat there for 10 agonizing minutes while she attempted to choose. Sophie's Choice has nothing on my daughter -- either that or her skills of manipulation have far exceeded my own. Either way, my disciplinary skills obviously leave something to be desired.

11. And last but not least, the bane of Shawn's existence as a restaurant manager is the chore of composing the store's weekly staff schedule. Knowing this, Ryan attempted to cheer him up tonight by insisting she sit with him and make her own schedule while he worked on his. As we sat merrily chuckling at her sweet wonderful ways in our best Leave It To Beaver impression, she got a bit over-enthused (shocking, I know), knocking over her cup of water, soaking (and thus ruining) Shawn's almost-finished schedule. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Sorry, it's just such a relief when it happens to someone else.

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