Monday, January 23, 2006

Pride Goeth Before The Fall

This parenting thing sucks. I mean, you'd think I'd be a pro at this baby stuff, yes?

Example:
Jax takes antibiotics, we give cultured bacteria to beat away the diarrhea. Everyone lives happily ever after. Right?

"Ha", says God, who then proceeds to shit and vomit on my perfect parent plans, and now I feel like a failure.

Apparently Jaxson is allergic to Amoxicillin, but chose to demonstrate said fact until now. The "secret weapon" we oh-so-smartly ran out and purchased without consulting any medical expert of any kind(being old pros at the whole antibiotics thing, courtesy of Ry and her 10 ear infections before the age of 1) has left him with a heinous rash. He's puked 3 times today, yet only began his fun little experiment in projectile vomitting AFTER I'd called my Mom this morning to gloat about how great the kids were feeling this morning, blahbiddyblah blah stupid ass blah.

Yep, that sounds about right.

Thank God I was able to reach the pediatrician's office, because I don't know what we would have done if the OTHER doctor's nurse (who has never seen Jax, btw) hadn't told us to stop all medications pronto. What would we morons do without the aide of their illuminating genius???

And while we're at it, Thank God for Ninny who graciously came over to tell us,"Wow, did you know he has a really bad rash?" Frernemenfrearnemenen...

Meanwhile, I've got RYAN who has now been kept inside the house the past 3 days totally against her will, biting at the bit, forcing me to pull creative fun-at-home ideas out of my ass, like this one, and this here. Lucky for her I have the mentality of an 8 year old, and completely enjoyed myself when I wasn't scrubbing puke off the carpet, wiping diarrhea off of Jax, or smearing diaper cream an inch thick onto his flaming-red rear end.

Don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself, either. I LOVE this shit - I live for days like this, man. Any excuse to stay unshowered, in pj's for 2 straight days is a godsend for me. I'm not even insulted that Shawn refuses to come within 5 feet of me because of the smell. I love when I repulse my hubby. Can't get enough of it. Bring it on, baby. BRING. IT. ON.

**Side Note: God does fall for that whole reverse-psychology bullshit, right?**

2 comments:

J said...

As a new Mom, could you tell me what you use to get vomit out of the carpet? Or the couch for that matter? Thanks. Hope things are better soon.

Crazy Rockin' Foxy Mama said...

Jazzy -- You are asking the WRONG PERSON. You mean it isn't sufficient to just scrub the spot with a towel? Oops! However, my Dad was always a huge fan of Snake Oil (seriously). You could try that. This is why I spend hundreds of dollars on STEAM CLEANING!!! Good Luck!