Hang on to your tiaras, it's gonna be a bumpy ride

I'm really not even sure how to start this post. I just don't have it in me to come up with something clever, cute, witty, or (insert adjective here) to set up the double-whammy Ryan unleashed on me today. So, I'm just gonna dive right in.

This morning, around 9am, Ryan started complaining about being hungry. After the requisite banter, Me: "Well, you hardly ate any of your breakfast"/Her: "Because it was sickening", I suggested a few items I would be okay with her digesting, and sent her on her way to the kitchen. As I sat plugged to the computer, balancing checking accounts and trying to figure out how many plasma donations I'll have to make to cover the upcoming surgeries, I heard a loud crash followed by silence.

My acute MOTY instincts kicked into gear and right away I knew that, a)something had fallen and b)no one was hurt. Not really wanting to walk all the way downstairs to see what unique, irreplacable item was now lost to me forever, I kept working away.

Cut to about 7 or 8 minutes later, when I hear Ryan talking to her dolly in a choking/sobbing way, every now and then catching the faint remnants of sentences like, "...be so mad..." and "...i don't want to tell her..."

This being Ryan, I just assumed she was playing "Harry Potter of Narnia and Rapunzel the Pauper in Fairytopia", until I see her creep up to the desk, face streaked with tears. There really was no need to ask what was wrong, seeing as how the moment our eyes locked she gushed,

"I'mreallysorrymommyIloveyouImadeamessand
droppedyourmostyummybananacreampieandI
loveyouandI'mreallyreallySORRY!!!" (aaaannnndddd SCENE)

Come on man! How do you go about getting mad at that? She sooo had my number, because when I asked her why she was getting into the pie in the first place, seeing as how it was not on the list of approved snacks, she was all, "Well, I saw it sitting there, and I just wanted to taste it cause it's so so good!" Well, it was.

So now I'm all acting magnanimous, saying how I'm more mad that she disobeyed than the fact that she dropped the pie *cough*bullshit*cough*, and I would be down in a minute to help her clean it up.

Luckily, she had already taken care of that little part for me, as I discovered when I walked into the kitchen and found 2 kitchen rags covered in bananas, graham cracker crumbs and pudding shoved between the crack next to the fridge and wall. How freakin' awesome is this kid, I ask you?

But wait -- it gets better.

Fast forward to this afternoon, when again on the computer (pattern?), I hear a knock at my bedroom door, and it opens to Emma, who has been playing in her yard with Ryan.

"Umm, I'm really embarrassed to say this, but Ryan kinda took her pants off outside. And peed. On the sidewalk."

Fuckwaaaaa???

I thanked Emma and excused her -- from what, I had no idea -- this was definitely a new one.

As is mandatory of all parents pf pre-schoolers, I took a deep breath and entered the doorway to No Man's Land, otherwise know as "Tell me what happened".

"Well, I really really had to potty, but I didn't want to get my pants all wet, so I just took them off . And then I peed."

There is logic in there somewhere, of this I am certain.