Okay, focus. What I am about to say may disturb you, it may even shock the hell out of you, but it is true, nevertheless (no, Mom, I'm NOT pregnant):
For a while now, Shawn and I have been eyeing some really big beautiful orange-red flower things that grow in a ditch behind our neighborhood. There's just one little patch of them, and figuring they don't belong to anyone since they're, you know, in a ditch, we've been volleying the idea of, well, snatching them.
Calm down. Chunkyrhino has not turned to crime, we've only thought about it...for over a year now. We've whispered our plan inhushed tones as we've strolled through the neighborhood, crossing the area at different angles to find the best vantage point, etc... Normally we would just suck it up and go buy some ourselves (or at least ask the MIL to bring us some), except they look pretty expensive, and I'm not sure they'd know what we were talking about anyway. I'm fairly certain "big beautiful orange-red flower things" is not their scientific name.
Like I said, it's only been crime of the meditative type so far, and who knows, we very well may have ended up going through with it had I not just read this.
Now, I don't live anywhere near Big Yellow House, but I'm pretty sure there are more out there just like her, and most likely, one of them graciously planted those suckers in the ditch intentionally for some crazy goodwill purpose, of which we would be completely ruining, thus making us the bad apples that ruined the bunch, and in the end, who wants to be the bad apple that gets stoned to death by big beautiful orange-red flower things?
Not me, lady.
The Boarding House by The Pioneer Woman
16 hours ago