According to the guru, today is the day I should be setting aside for family fun time. I guess that makes sense for most people, whose weekends are actually weekends, but for the family of a restaurant manager, Saturday might as well be Tuesday. Unfortunately, we are the odd men out, so we usually end up doing our family fun stuff on the weekends anyway, with or without Shawn. So what have we been doing today?
6 am: Wake up from sound of thundercrash, daughter running into room. Cross fingers that son doesn't wake up.
7 am: Son and sun still not up, but daughter is, and begging for food. Gawd. Continue putting off going downstairs to make breakfast until son wakes up or daughter starts hyperventillating, whichever comes first.
8 am: Son up, full of shit. Change poo, fix food, make coffee.
9am: clean up downstairs, shuffle kids upstairs to get ready for the gym.
9:10am: Daughter flings self on ground, refusing to go to YMCA, making it that much easier for me to stay in my pj's.
9:15 am: Log onto computer while kids' brain cells melt away in front of TV.
9:40 am: Run into bathroom to scoop son out of toilet. He was actually only halfway in, but considering previous night's dream of him drowning in pool, thought I'd be proactive.
9:45 am: After washing off son, scoop up wet toiletpaper off bathroom floor, wipe up water with hubby's towel, put back on hook.
10 am: Finish computer stuff, log off. Seperate children, scold both for attempted murder.
10:05 am: brush teeth and wash face, drying with hubby's towel.
10:07 am: Remember previous use of towel, brush teeth and wash face again (while gagging). Start load of laundry.
10:15 am: Gather kids up to go to grocery store to return wrong items, purchase correct ones, and rent dvd for "Movie Day" , due to rainstorm.
10:45 am: Finish running back in and out of house for all necessary materials, determined not to take this "short outing" for granted, seeing as last time "short outing" resulted in diarrhea diaper with no diaper bag. Leave house.
10:50-11:30 am: Wait in line to return items, fight with daughter over renting $1 dvd rather than huge movie-rental-store dvd. Lose battle. Pull a Britney Spears 3 times in grocery store while lugging way-too-big-to-be-carried baby. Fight with daughter over keeping rainboots on, even though they really really really hurt. Lose battle. Carry son, daughter, rainboots, and grocery items to front of store to purchase. Almost lose it when checker suggests using a basket next time.
11:30 am-12pm: Drive across the street to huge movie-rental-store, unload clunky stroller, load both kids into single seat, amidst screaming cries from son and hysterical shrieks from daughter. Drag daughter up and down kid aisle until she decides to rent the same movie we rented last week. And the week before that. And the week before that. Fight with daughter over staying in the stroller as is still not wearing shoes. Lose battle. Spot 3/$15 DVD sale, and while perusing tutles, look down to see son has vanished from stroller. Want to cry at possibly losing son. Want to cry again after realizing have been pushing empty stroller for 10 minutes. Frantically search store for son, while vividly replaying scenes in head from Ya -Ya follow -up book where the kid is kidknapped from video store. Wonder who would play me in movie. Find son, put back in stroller, run after him 2 minutes later as he has apparently learned to climb out of restraints, no doubt learned by watching daughter. Pay for movies and the get the hell outta there.
12:03 pm: Swing next door to drycleaning place, wait 20 minutes for them to look for pants that may/may not be there (pretty sure it's been a few months), amidst kids screaming in back. Hope screaming will quicken the search. It does not. Encourage daughter to continue screaming, "cause that makes it better", then spend rest of time explaining sarcasm.
12:30: Arrive home, make lunch, put son down for nap.
12:50: Commence making blueberry muffins with daughter. Why? WHY?
1:30: Finish muffins, clean up mess, pop some corn and head upstairs to lay down with daughter for movie.
1:33 pm: Hubby calls to say he will be 2 hours late getting home. Fight with hubby, arguing that he will be working tomorrow, gone all day Monday, so he better find someone else to run that delivery at 4. Lose battle.
1:35 pm: Son wakes up.
And the day's only half over...How much more fun can we stand, I ask you???
The Boarding House by The Pioneer Woman
16 hours ago