All the Tomball with none of the Mall Hair

I do so love it when a friend comes to visit and gets to see my family in action. I cannot tell you how many times I am asked whether or not I exaggerate (please) the things that happen here, and while I am so very flattered that you all think I have that kind of excellent imagination, alas, I'm afraid it is all very true. Sometimes a little too true.

I finally got Shah (MeShah!) to come visit this weekend. Actually, her brother's baseball tournament was the real reason, but it got her here none-the-less, and who am I to hold a grudge? ( shut it)

Right. So, as per terms of the marriage agreement we signed, because I suffered through that horrendous birthday party for his buddy's kid, he was obliged to come with me and the kids to watch the baseball game Friday night. You'd think this would be something he'd be jumping to do -- good old school ball, cheap entry, great seats, blah blah blah. What you are forgetting is that now he has been on steroids for, like, 2 weeks, and if I ever had doubt about the realities of Roid Rage, I certainly don't now.

Ryan, on the other hand was jumping at the bit. All she needed to hear was that we were going to watch a guy named Ryan play baseball, and she was all over it like white trash on Britney Spears.

I was actually getting excited about it as well, even aside from the fact (or maybe a little bit because) they were playing the school I first taught at, wherein I met one of the only 2 people I've known in my life that I would swear on a bible are actually descendents of Satan himself -- that would be my old boss, a man who encompasses Napolean's Small Man Complex with flair.

A chance to watch my Alma Mater kick his High School's ass? Where do I sign up?

Plus, you know, I like to show off the kids whenever people will let us come around them with our children in tow. Which doesn't happen a lot.

I had no idea Ryan would have quite as much fun as she did, or that I would feel sooo in my element. I've been removed from the Tomball Bunch for about 10 years, and although I only knew about 3 of the people in the crowd, I was with my people.

Let me put it this way: There was Ryan in her camo cargos and Lynyrd Skynyrd tee, making best friends with another little girl named Rylan who was wearing a John Deere hoodie. I actually think there may be a Tomball gene, and these girls both possess it. They played with dirt, ran around, and had the kind of fun I remember having at the ballpark as a kid. Well, except for the fact that Ryan started screaming to everyone, "I WANT TO KISS HARRY POTTER!!!", and then brought me a pinecone and asked, "What is this?" (Which is so so sad to Shawn and me, coming from eastern Texas and all)

The fans of course ate it up. She was amongst her people as well, and they were welcoming her with open arms.

Needless to say, Tomball won, Ryan waited like a little groupie to meet the infamous Ryan the Baseball Player, and then totally shied away when asked if she would kiss his boo-boo (he cut his chin and needed stitches, but a kiss from Ry could cure anything). Later that night as I was putting her to bed, the last thing she asked was, "Mommy, how did they know to have bandaids there for Ryan's boo-boo?"

Uh-oh. We may have our first real crush on our hands, which would actually be very funny seeing as how my first real crush was on this kid's older brother. Ahh yes, the infamous Robby....

Sorry, back to the story.

Anyway, today Renee came over to visit for a while before heading back to H-town, and I am sooo glad she did. She is one of my oldest and dearest friends, reads the blog daily, and got to see first-hand the crazy I describe here every day.

She got to see Ryan pull out the joke pair of red fur-lined handcuffs I got for 1.99 at HEB for Shawn's valentine's gift from the closet and ask, "Mommy, are you ever gonna play with these?"
Then she got to hear me answer, "Probably not, Baby." *sigh* "Probably not."

Color me mortified.

She got to see Jax's slam-dance table manners first hand, as well as his unnerving ability to flirt with his eyes and bring a grown woman to her knees. As she was leaving, she even commented, "I'm really sad to go. I'm gonna miss all the flirting." I'm pretty sure she was smitten.

But best of all, she got to see ME seeing this:




Ryan's idea of a red carpet, which she then walked down very ceremoniously before giving us a tour of the rest of the rooms upstairs:




I'm thinking Shah finally got it, because all she could do was look at me and give me a great big hug. Eventually, she said, "Wow, so this really is normal for you."

This surprising comment from the gal who listened to me lament in 7th grade over what a mess my life was (7th grade, peeps), and how surely one day I would end up with 6 kids and married to a biker named Snake. You'd think she of all people would have at least expected as much, but no; we continue to mystify and will not stop until we've conquered the WORLD.


circa 1988. I'm the huge forehead standing in the background without eyebrows or lips. Just for clarification.