Well, some of you must have been sending word to the man above, pleading for some good ole fashioned let's- laugh- at- the- York- family's- predicaments- humor, and boy howdy, did he deliver! (Christ. Did I just say Boy Howdy??)
Anyway, yesterday was one of our classic days, invloving poop, social blunders, funny quotes, and as always, motherly un-preparedness. These are, afterall, the necessary ingredients for a classic York Day recipe.
Okay, it actually started Monday morning when I again met with my trainer, aka:The Grim Reaper. Not only did he put me through an incredibly rigorous workout, rivaled only by medieval torture tactics, he also banned me from alcohol. Ha. ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahha. (This is me laughing, crying, wailing, in sheer terror.)
Right. So deep breath and all that jive, I can handle it, I'm a GROWNUP. Sometimes.
Anyway, the day went well, bowling (or not), dentist appointments (wherein Ryan refused to keep her legs still, knocking her feet together to the chagrin of the dental assistant who valiantly kept calm and sweet as she asked Ry every 2 minutes to "Please keep still, honey." When the dentist arrived, all the DA could say was, "We better get going on this one. She's full of energy today." Then they looked at me funny as I shrieked with laughter, a crazy look in my eyes, intermittingly spurting "Today? TODAY?")
Dinner time arrived and all hell broke loose. Well, actually, I got nauseous, dizzy, and Shawn of course became the lovable, supportive husband he is and demanded, "ARE YOU PREGNANT????"
We still don't know what it was; a stomach bug, food poisoning, etc.., but I was in bed at 7pm with fever, chills, barfing all throughout the night. I actually owe a lot to hubbykins, seeing as how he fed, changed, and put the kids to bed all without nary a gripe or curse word. The brainwashing must be working.
Then morning came and I wished I was dead, but unfortunately, I am MOTY, so I had to put on a happy face and well, face the world. Lucky for me, I had Ryan who was sooo Nurse Nancy, asking me if I needed anything, telling me not to worry, "I'll feed Jax and get him dressed, Mommy." If only.
While Ry was at gymnastics, I put Jax in the nursery, swallowed some Ibuprofen, and found a quiet spot to lay down. By the end of her lesson, I was feeling better, but apparently it was the calm before the storm. As I picked Jax up, I saw that he had diarrheaed (?) all over his outfit, which of course, was the only one we had with us, going into a morning of errand-running. (See, this is where the poop and unpreparedness come into play.)
Never fear, any Mom with cash on hand and a nearby Target can solve this problem, which is what we did, but only after receiving numerous glares from other moms as I carted my naked-except-for-his-sister's-jacket son around, chasing that "energetic" daughter of mine. Bribery, naturally came into the mix, as I promised the purchase of a Tinkerbell cami/panty set if she would JUST STAY BY ME.
An hour later (after 3 trips to the potty, one involving massive amounts of toilet paper), we were back in the car and on to our next stop, a fave of all mommies - the Post Office. Just envision Amy trying to fill out a UPS overnight envelope, juggling keys and purse, yelling at Ryan all while lugging an almost-25- pound chunky butt (his, not mine) in arms SCREAMING with pain from previous date with the Devil. It did get better, though, after I found a picture on the wall for Ryan to sit and talk to. (And talk she did -- gestures and all.)
We made it out of there in about 30 minutes, then ventured on to the grocery store, breezed through there, and because of the weather and traffic, I opted to drive the back way home, through 2 neighborhoods. Although this route is a tad bit longer, we avoid fast-moving, angry Texans in big trucks, and with the way the day was going thus far, I figured this was our best bet. About 3 minutes into the trip home, Ry announces, "Umm, Mom? I think we're lost." To which I responded with a 5-minute explanation of alternate driving routes, the importance of automobile safety, and will you please just sit back and be quiet???
That's when I turned around and noticed her eye. You know, THE PINK ONE.
Yep. Pink Eye. Sweet.