Saturday, February 2, 2008

Life's What You Make It, or Sweet Nibletts, What Have We Done???

Once again, I am astounded by our stupidity as parents.

Who thought buying Hannah Montana 3D movie tickets for a 5 year old would be a good idea?

Who thought sitting in line amongst not-even-tweens for an hour would be fun?

Who thought I should be the one to chapperone??

Whomever the culprit, they should be hung by their toenails and made to listen to hundreds of screaming grade-schoolers for 2 hours. While wearing 3D glasses over their eyeglasses, like the dork I was last night.

Oh yeah, baby. We went. We saw. We sang. We peed. A lot. 6 trips to the potty, to be exact.

The movie itself was fun, Ry and her friends were great and enjoyed themselves thoroughly, until about 3/4 of the way through when I looked over and one was slumped sideways, head held up by a limp arm, one had her head tilted back, mouth gaping, and the other was using my arm as a pillow. Reminded me of the time I went to see GnR and Metallica in high school and ended up sleeping through Metallica. I'm so proud of myself and my dorky past. And present.

And dorky though I may be, at least I wasn't one of the ridiculously obnoxious moms who were either:
A) dressed exactly like their daughters;
B) yelling and screaming, "Hannah!Hannah!" and literally woo-hooing when the Jonas Brothers appeared;
C) throwing popcorn at moviegoers in front of them and filming the entire movie on their cell phones.

Ladies, ladies, ladies. This is not 1982. We are no longer young and nubile. Scrunchies are NOT in, and neither are leggings for anyone who weighs over 200 pounds. (You know who you are). Popcorn throwing was never cool, and you should know what a pain in the ass it is to clean up other people's messes, if you are even close to doing your job properly, which by the looks of the way your daughter was yelling at you and spitting her popcorn, you most likely are not. I'm not judging, I'm just sayin'... Also? I understand you only want the best for your child, but no amount of complaining to management is going to make the movie "more 3D". Yes, there were spots when we had to suffer through Miley in 2D form, but it's Miley Cyrus -- how horrible can she be in any dimension, really?

I will say, however, that regardless of how entertaining the movie was, my favorite part was watching the chubby 9 yr old boy dancing his heart out in the aisle next to me, complete with microphone, spin-and-jump moves, ample booty shaking, finger-snapping and LOTS of head-tossing. I have high hopes for his future as a Selena impersonator or the next member of Menudo.

But, alas, the evening was not actually about me, and seeing as how every time I turned to watch my daughter, she was singing, smiling, or staring in awe (save that one moment she slipped into unconsciousness), I suppose the night was a resounding success, even if I did have to suffer through it with not even a ounce of alcohol or mind-altering drugs. I can just smell that MOTY award coming my way...

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