Lorena Bobbitt

I totally get Lorena Bobbitt. I mean, I know what she did was "wrong", but man I feel her. If my husband only knew how close I am to going Lorena on his Bobbitt...

I love Shawn very very much, but sometimes I SOOOO wish he wasn't such a MAN. Take yesterday, for instance. We had to rush through swimming (Ryan's reward for not getting in trouble at gymnastics. It's not bribery folks, just persuasion) so he could get home in time to eat and shower before work. This is not the irritating part; I understand about all that, although man, what a buzz kill. Anyway, on the way home from the Y, he gets all bummed out when he hears that all we have for lunch is sandwhich makings. I'm not exactly sure what else he was expecting, but whatever. Once we get home, he barks at me to take Ryan's carseat out of the truck, then as I'm trying to hold a screaming Jaxson, make a bottle, and fix Ryan's lunch, Shawn heads upstairs, saying "Cut me a tomato...if you get the chance." Not, "geez, need some help", or "wow, you really ARE SuperMom". Nope, I get "cut me a tomato". So fine. I channel my inner Donna Reed and cut him a damn tomato, which he proceeds to leave sitting out on the counter as he heads out the door, along with the loaf of bread and his used knife. Normally I let these things go - don't sweat the "small stuff", and all that nonsense - but after a while...AARRGGGHHH!!!!

Anyway, the day goes on, and I finally fall asleep next to Ryan at around 11:30 pm. At about 12:40 am, I hear Shawn come in -- he may have brains, beauty, and braun, but STEALTH is not his strong point. As a result of his noisy entrance, my other favorite man wakes up. I keep still, hoping against hope that Shawn will take the reins and go give Jax his binky, but instead, he clambers into bed, rolls Ryan closer to me and goes to sleep. Unfreakinbeliveable. I'm sure he will use the age-old excuse, "I didn't hear him", but that's just bullsh$t, and he KNOWS it!! So I get up and give Jaxson his binky, a fun game he and I continue to play every 20-45 minutes until about 3:45, when I give him a bottle, hoping against hope that this will hold him off for more than an hour. Then, because God is CLEARLY a MAN, Shawn's alarm goes off at 5:40, and continues to do so for the 10 minutes it takes him to turn it off. At this point, the only person NOT awake is Ryan, which means, yes, Jax is crying. So I think, "okay, clearly Shawn is awake -- he will definitely go take care of Jax." I get excited as I feel the bed move, and begin to snuggle back under the covers. After about 2-3 more minutes of listening to Jaxson cry, I look over at Shawn's side of the bed and realize that no, my Knight in Shining Armor DID NOT go take care of the Dragon; rather, he turned over and went back to sleep.

So yeah, like I said, I TOTALLY get Lorena Bobbitt. If that man doesn't make an appt. with Dr. Chopp THIS WEEK, I'm gonna Dr Chopp it for him.