Talk Me Down From This Ledge!!

Dear Reader:

Baby fever has once again reared its cute and sweet-smelling little bald head. You see, I've temporarily lost my mind and am now yearning for a new addition to the family. This has been brewing inside for a while now, and I'm at the point where it's "sh*it or get off the pot", so to speak. Not to mention the fact that Darling Hubby is about to face the prospect of lifetime sterility -- perhaps this is where the urge stems from? DH will pretty much go where I go, but my thing is this: if we're gonna have 3, we might as well have 4. I long for the craziness of a kid-filled house, but I also want to be able to, umm, sleep once in a while, and a vacation here and there would be nice. Clearly the two do not mesh, so the question is: which is more important?

Hubby brings up a good point as well: we've been pretty fortunate with the 2 we already have -- would we be pushing our luck with more? I, for one, certainly don't want to deliver any Goonies-esque monstrocities to the world ("Sloth love Chunk!"), nor would I ever forgive myself if the 3rd one was, how do you say, "serial-killer-ish". I mean, really, you never know how their brains will be wired...

And here's another thing: I really don't enjoy the whole "pregnancy" thing. It's just that getting fat, avoiding alcohol, and feeling ill is a lot to ask of someone for whom vanity, drinking, and not throwing up are key issues in life. Go ahead and judge -- I'll just judge you right back. (Glass houses anyone??) We've discussed the idea of adoption, which is something I've always toyed with, but I really hate to do anything that others may construe as "trend-following", which is a very real danger now that Angelina and Brad have taken over the adoption world. Although I suppose I should put the whole "every kid needs a loving home" mentality before my frivolous concerns over what others may/may not think of me. (There's that whole vanity thing again.)

Plus, DH really enjoys having his seed spread -- he's very into seeing what greatness comes from his genetic make-up (so far, he's done very well). And there is the whole sweet- little- face- that- calls- to- mind -family- members -near- and- far thing that i love, as well as the funny little idiosyncracies that leave you scratching your head (or reaching for the Prozac -- whatever), or watching the dynamics between the new addition and the previous add-ons (read:siblings).

For the love of Pete, please throw me a life preserver! Otherwise,I will continue to struggle with this issue internally for the rest of my life, or until DH gets snipped and the option is no longer there.

Sincerely,
Freakishly Over-analyzing Mom of 2