Well, technically it was just snake, but it might as well have been a herd.
I was feeling very Mother-Earthy this morning (actually, I feel like someone rubbed the entire inside of my mouth with cotton balls and then stuffed them up my nose -- the "Mother Earth" thing was just a side effect of being sick but not being able to lay in bed), so I adventured into the backyard for some weed-pulling.
I tackled one main bed, then another, feeling increasingly better with each pull. Looking around, I noticed the desolate little rear corner where a lovely climbing rose should be and decided to move some pots around to make room for our quaint patio table and chairs. In my yoga pants and flip-flops.
As I was lifting our giant clay urn, I turned to stop a plant from brushing up against my ample backside, when it was suddenly brough to my attention that there was no plant. This fact was made clear to me by the skinny little wriggling snake squirming up my leg. Inside my pants.
Now, not to get too dirty so early in the morning, my husband is one hot toddy, but I have never before stripped for him with such speed and agility as I did this morning.
Making that ridiculous sound that always seems to emit itself from my mouth when about to fall -- "whoa, whoa, whooooaaaaa"-- I ripped my pants off, along with my shoes, and ran half-naked screaming into the house, leaving Jaxson behind to fend for himself.
As I heard Ryan screaming "Daddy! Mommy's running NAKED!!", I remembered I had another kid, who fortunately had followed right behind me.
Well, then. It's good to know he can take care of himself should we be faced with sudden danger, because apparently I do not come equipped with the "Not Without My Child" chip.
Just add that to my Big Bag of MOTY Tricks.
Walter Drummond by Ree
4 days ago