I know, I know. April ended and I went right back to my old habits of not posting for days. That's seems about right, though, doesn't it?
Let's see, we got a dog last weekend, and Ry tooks some cute pics but I haven't had a chance to upload them because it takes an hour on this computer, and realy, who has that kind of time?
Not me, especially after all of the stress pain issues. According to the neurologist, there's not really any reason for me to be having pain, except for the carpal tunnel, which you really can't do much about, so basically i'm screwed.
In terms of my neck and back/shoulder pain, it's begun to cease, as I have worked at de-stressing by cooking elaborate meals for the fam and even making our own bread. Yes, it sounds as though I'd be creating more stress, but I really like it, and I'm good at it, and there ain't much I can say that about, soI'm not gonna go lookin' any gifthorses in the mouth, ya know? (Sorry, just watched the E!THS on Rachael Ray, and now I'm apparently channeling her. EVOO, anyone?)
Ummm, never see Shawn, so that's the same, the kids are driving me crazy, so that's the same, and I've still got those extra 10 pounds hanging on, so realy you guys haven't missed all that much.
I will try to recap the funny for you, though, just 'cause I'm feelin' guilty...
Last night, after I ye;;ed at Shawn for getting home from work way too late, he asked why I was so strung out over the kids. Rather than submit to my first instinct and give him a good old-fashioned Lorena Bobitt, I listed what had occured just within the span of the previous 18 hours:
Ryan continues to talk back, stick out her tongue roll her eyes at me, and completelyignore verything I say. All before breakfast.
Both the kids attack me at 6:30 am, Jaxson literally pulling me out of the bed. Instead of going to the coffee pot, I race after them out the door to try and get the "potty trained" dog to do her thing. After 20 minutes of nothing, we head inside where I see that Jax has shit oozing out of his diapers. Seeing me approach for a diaper change, he immediately rolls around on the carpet, smearing the green crap everywhere.
After finally cleaning out his diarrhea-riddled rear, I head downstairs only to see that now the dog has shit on my carpet, so I deal with that. All still before breakfast.
Breakfast is as usual, both kids begging for their food right NOW, Ryan complaining that Jax got more, Jax begging for juice, Ryan begging for juice, Ryan demanding a different colored straw than the one I handed her, Jax spilling his juice the minute he gets his hands on it, Mommy cleaning up the mess, Ryan demanding the tv be turned on, Jax begging for more juice, Mommy giving Jax more juice, but in a squeeze bottle so as to avoid another spill, Ryan asking for more cereal, Jax asking for more cereal, Ryan eating 2 bites of her cereal refill, declaring herself full, Jax doing the same and whining to be helped down, Ryan complaining about being made to take her bowl to the sink, Jax squeezing out the juice from his sports bottle onto the carpet, em on my hands and knees for the 3rd time that day all before 8am.
Half an hour later, I've broken up 3 fights, 2 between Ryan and Jax, one between Jax and the dog and thrown together a semblance of a lunch for Ryan. Then it's time to wrestle both of the into their clothes and beg Ryan to comb her hair while i attempt to get dressed as Jaxson dismantles the calm, peaceful bath accessories arranged in my garden bath while smearing a stolen tube of lipstick on the walls.
The clock is pushing 9 am and I'm trying desperately to get everyone in the car with all required accessories, making several trips back inside for forgotten backpacks, binkies, drinks and snack for the car trip. Yes, snacks. For the kids who couldn't finish their cereal, they were so full.
We make it o our destination in one piece, and I struggle to get both of them into the school, where Ryan throws her backpack at me and runs to her friends, and Jax hits the surrounding classrooms, literally kicking down toys and laughing before moving on to his next target.
I blow kisses at Ryan, search and rescue Jax (and the toys he's escaped with) and make it back to the car by 9:45, dragging Jaxson behind me with my left hand, because according to the "doc", I should really try to avoid using my dominant Right hand whenever possible. I make plans with a friend to take the kids to the bouncy place after school (it's half-price day), and venture back to the house and the waiting list of things to do.
By the time we get back, it's about 10:15, so I feed Jax another snack, put on a cartoon and start cleaning the kitchen from the morning's breakfast debacle. At 11 I put him down for his nap, fighting the urge to lay down as well, and continue my Cinderella chores until 1 when I get him up to get in the car to fetch Ryan.
We retrieve Ry from her classroom, I heft Jax like a football in my left arm, and we make it to the parking lot in record time. Then Jax takes off the minute I set him down to unlock the car (damn those manual locks!) and crawls into a storm drain to hide from me.
Seriously? You try dragging a 30 pound monster out of a storm drain using only your left arm in 80 degree humidity. Do it. I dare you.
I finally wrangle him into the car and the int's off to the mall and the jumping place (and, hopefully, so peace and quiet!) Except, I don't really get to visit with my friend 'cause her kid is potty training and goes twice in her undies, in between the 7 bathroom visits they take while the other kids jump and i watch. Lonely.
I decide to get up and jump with the kids for a bit, mostly because that'll be the only workout I get that day, but also cause I'd love to actually enjoy my kids once in a while. We have fun, but mommy gets tired, so its out I go.
10 minutes later, Ry and her friend come running ahead of another mother who is carrying a crying Jax. Seems as though he got his ass kicked by a little girl. Sweet. Shawn'll love that.
We eventually make it home after again having to drag/carry a screaming, kicking Jax through the mall, and I usher the kiddos outside so I can get started on dinner (aka: drink). 2 minutes later and here comes Ryan, eager to tell me all about how Jax dumped out Shawn's bag of coal for the grill and is throwing it at her and the dog. Sure enough, Jax comes stomping in seconds later, black hand just a reachin' for Mommy.
i clean him up, and send him to the playroom to play with his cars, while Ryan continued to play outside, regaling the neighborhood with her own rendition of "Copa Cabana" (we named the dog Lola). As I'm preparing the fish, I look up to see Jax sticking pennies in the gas outlet by the fireplace. Lovely, lovely.
It's now 5:30 and I don't want to even look at my kids anymore, much less interact with them.
I finish the dinner a little after 6, break up 6 or 7 more fights, and the 3 of us sit down to eat at 6:30. Notice I said the THREE of us -- Shawn's still not home, and today was an "early" day.
We finish our meal, I put Jax to bed, and not 5 minutes later his Father walks through the door. Of course he does.
I hand over Ryan, clean up the kitchen, and then wait for him to come back downstairs so I can vent.
So that's it. That was yesterday in a nutshell, today was just as good, but it's now after 11pm and I've got to be up to do it all over again at 6:30, so you'll have to wait til later to hear Wednesday's story.
Trust me, it's worth coming back for.
Tomfoolery by Ree
1 week ago