Saturday, January 13, 2007

You Asked For It

Okay, lovies. Prepare to sit back and enjoy the first annual installment of RUIDOSO RUMBLE (echo, echo, echo).

Now, I believe I teased you all with the trials we faced on our first day -- lots of poop, burned condo, hardly any snow. Actually, this was mild for us, as you all know. Hmmm, so you want stories...

Let's see, there was the uneventful first day, until 6/7 pm rolled around, and we performed our White Elephant exchange, wherein yours truly received Cranium, which Lea (the gift giver) commanded we break open and play immediately.
So we did:

Can't ya just smell the fun??. Then we took a break, Shawn tried to change Jax's poop ("It won't stop coming out!!"), Big Daddy broke down laughing so hard he cried, and then he called it a night.
This led us to charades, at which Miss Ryan happens to be a natural. She solves the clues and can perform to a tee at the drop of a hat. Our favorite was when she stood still, arms out parallel to the ground, eyes closed. Menana yelled out , "Ummm...Christ?!?"
Ryan, rolling her eyes, replied, "No, Menana. Jesus." I fell in love with her all over again.
But what's best is that wonderful 4 yr old spirit that thinks every victory, no matter how small (or how non-victorious), calls for celebration.
We eventually all padded to bed, eagerly anticipating the next day's snow events, which turned out to be less-than-exceptional.
Remember the snow tubing we were so excited about? Yeah, this one. It pretty much sucked. The wind was blowing so hard we were literally blown away every time we tried to drag our tubes uphill (okay, that was fun), and when we finally reached the top, the Hitler-esque owner was there to yell and scream at us, moving us along like so much cattle being herded to slaughter.
This did not bode well for Mr. Shawn. Used to being the one barking the orders, he quickly bristled, explaining he was waiting for his daughter who was right behind him, but the only reply he got was "MOVE IT!" Yikes.
Now, we are nothing if not loud, passionate people, so of course Shawn retorts, "F*&k you, you a$$. I'm f*&$ing waiting for my f#$*ing family, who happen to be the only other f$&*ing people on your damn ride, so shut the f%*k up!" (I may have paraphrased a bit.)
After a few more insults between Shawn and the owner, he finally moved along, only to be engaged in a 7th-grade worthy stare-down. I'm not usually timid of others while in Shawn's presence (I essentially married my bodyguard), but seeing as how Ryan was playing, we had spent $45, had only been there 30 minutes, and this guy could conceivably kick us out, I was eagerly trying to calm Shawn down.
Lucky for us, Ryan was having about as much fun as we were, so we quickly left anyway.
We made our way back to the house to meet up with Menana and Big Daddy who had taken Jax to Wal-Mart to look for snow boots. Apparently, they had had a similar experience, just different place, different people.
I should preface this little story with a short explanation: 1) Big Daddy is a big, big man, survivor of 4 or 5 heart attacks (I've lost count), who finds it very hard to do anything other than sit at such a high altitude; 2) Menana is old and bitchy (kidding, mom, kidding); and 3) Jaxson is heavy as shit and won't obey, meaning in a place like Wal-Mart he requires carrying and/or restraints.
According to Menana, they had just dragged/heaved Jax all the way through the parking lot eagerly searching for alternate means of transporting his fat little figure, only to be greeted by the ever-present Wal-Mart Senior Citizen, who declared, "Welcome to Wal-Mart, we don't have any baskets on this side, you'll have to go to the other entrance if you need one."
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Dad could barely breathe, Jax was squirming like a stuck pig, and mom's age was creeping into her bones, making way for the bitchy. They trodded ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STORE, into shopping basket wonderland.
"You guys need to send some baskets to the other side. They're all out over there," she informed Old Lady Greeter #2.
OLG#2: Well, they haven't asked for any yet.
(Here comes the bitchy)
Mom: "Well, I'm telling you. They're all out over there, I just had to walk ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STORE to get one. The big guy can't breathe, this one's fat as fuck, and I've got Cancer." (Well, maybe she didn't play the cancer card, but she should have.)
OLG#2: "Well, I've got to wait for them to tell me to send them over."
Mom: [Enter long, over-wrought Julia Sugarbaker-esque tirade here]
Anyway, long story longer, Dad said he was just trying to scoot Mom along, telling her to hush under his breath, with was barely making it out as it was, eventually getting them all out of harms way, when seconds later they hear this over the loud speaker: "More baskets to the North Entrance, please. Baskets needed."
Cut to Menana smiling smuggly.
That's just how we roll, folks. The Roberts/York Family: Making enemies across America since 1977.
So the afternoon progressed into another evening of food, drinks, games and insults (another thing we're really good at), until we all pooped out and turned in for the night.
The next morning was on to Ski Apache for me, Shawn, Lea and Ryan, where Ryan attended a kid's ski class and totally kicked ass. I'd have pics to show, but I'm still waiting for Big Daddy and Lea to send them to me, so blame them. Apparently, the skis that took us 2 hours to acquire (including measuring), were too big for Ryan, a fault we only learned of at the end of the 6 hour day.
Ryan: "Please can I stop now? My feet hurt so bad!"
Teacher: " Yeah, these skis are way too big for her -- I'm amazed that she did as well as she did!"
Lucky for her, Aunt Lea was also ready to go, a result of having a monstrous headache due to the 3 times she fell getting off the ski lift. She claims it was mine and Shawn's faults, but we know better, don't we?
By the way, for those of you who know all about Shawn's previous ski trials in Steamboat Springs 9 years ago, when he managed to get taken down the mountain 2 days in a row by the ski patrol, and had himself banned from the mountain until he took ski lessons, he excelled this time, thanks to instruction from the Incredible Falling Lea.
While we conquered the mountain, Ninny and the old folks were tubing with Jaxson, another adventure I'd provide pictures of, if only they'd taken them. Apparently there was some complication involving icy conditions, bum knees, and "only having two hands, AMY!" I swear, they are such lightweights.
This took us into evening, all of us a little sad about having to leave the next day, when lo and behold, God stepped in and said, "C'mon...stay another day. You know you want to!"
We had a snow storm early in the a.m., leaving us snowed-in and calling the rental place to extend our stay.
It was WONDERFUL!!! The kids finally got to really play in the snow, which was awesome considering the first day's playtime only yielded this.
Snow ball fights, sledding, you name it, we did it. Then, 30 minutes later, we were sooo over it, so we retreated inside and punished ourselves with a 4 hour game of Phase10.
Later, the girls headed to downtown Ruidoso for shopping, where Ryan begged Lea Ann to buy her this. That's right, she now owns her very own Bobble Head Jesus Doll.
And that's that. We ate a lot, drank a lot, played even more, and had one of the best vacations in family history.
Now, if we could just do something about that 10 hour car trip...

1 comment:

elisa said...

LOVE it! Love your stories, love your kids, love your family, love YOU!!! I'm glad you are back! Maybe I'll even get to see you sometime!