Back to LIFE

Life is slowly getting back to normal this week...I'm steadily putting the house back in order, the kids are coming out off their Mommy-withdrawals nicely, and I cannot stop gushing about how really awesome Shawn was this past weekend. I know you may be wondering if it's really me typing right now, but seriously, he's been awesome. Either he's remembered how much he loves me, or he's doing something naughty behind my back... I choose the former.

Ryan got her new bed all finished up last night, and now I've just got to set about the task of re-decorating her entire room. Steele gray tubing bed frames don't really scream "Shabby Chic" the way the rest of her room does. As if I need another reminder that she's growing up -- last night we were playing Barbies and she told me I had to play the "Hot" boy at school. HOT. Hot?? Nonononononononono.......

Along with Ryan's room, other areas in the house are in need of attention, especially since my trip to Honey and Pappy's left me with heirlooms. So there's another project to add to the list. (and one I'm very happy to undertake!)

chunkyrhino has really taken off, and I got the best response from the moms-to-be at the Mommy and Me Baby Shower this weekend. We've got our website reserved (thanks Jeff) and now I've got to slowly piece it together, or get someone else to anyway(thanks Jeff).

On top of all this? My 30th is Saturday, and I'm so excited! Can you believe??? As much as I've pissed and moaned about it this past year, I'm really pumped and can't wait to be OLD. (Especially since they're throwing me a party at the Lake and we're gonna see Ragweed on Friday -- anything can be fun if there's beer involved, am I right?)

Still can't find my camera...

...but here's my fave pic so far from NYC!!

(You have no idea how much it cracks Shawn up to see his M.I.L. sippin' on a 40)

400 Dollars

That's how much I've spent at the Mommy and Me Sale so far this weekend. And we haven't even had the 50% discount day yet, either. oops.

Other than the minor coronary I'm suffering at having to explain to Shawn how I spent more at the sale, rather than saved more, I've actuallly been having a great time this weekend. The New Mom's Baby Shower and Mom's Night Out Event were both major successes, and the crowds just keep coming!! When people are trying to sneak in free advertising by canvasing the parking lot during your event and leaving flyers in the bathrooms, you know you've done something good.

If you 're anywhere near Round Rock tomorrow, you've got to make a stop at the Dell Diamond to check out the last day of our Spring 2007 sale -- select items will be 50% off, but they will go fast, so bust a move and get there when the doors open at 11. Don't wait too long. I'm serious. We close at 2, and they way my dogs are barkin', I'm likely to carry you out the doors myself if you're not done shopping by 2:01!!

D'ya miss me??

Hi. I'm Amy. I write this quirky little blog about my life and my family, my kids, my mental breakdowns, etc... Have we met??

Got back from NY on Monday at 4 am. Up with the kids at 8, working on Mommy and Me ever since. I'm sorry to be so short and vague, but time's a-waistin'.

NY was snowy (woohoo! Spring Break! Yeah!!) and all I got are a couple of knock-off bags and fallen arches,swollen feet, & lots of blisters. I went form over function. Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

I'd love to show you pics but I've misplaced el camera, so I'm gonna have to wait for Jet Blue to find it, which you know, should only take a year or so, being JetBlue and all.

We saw WICKED and cried (natch), gave food to homeless people (and cried), and saw the worst comic ever and would have cried, but were saved by this dude.

I missed the kids and only felt guilty every time I spoke with them, Ginger or Shawn -- apparently Jax is much worse than Shawn was, Ginger now understands why I drink, and Shawn, well, Shawn was Shawn, but without someone to make fun of.

Our trip to SAK's left me feeling like the ugliest 30 yr old to walk the planet ("See how this cream diminishes those horrible wrinkles all over your face???"), but I had the last laugh -- I let them make me over to their heart's content, all without telling them I did not have $125 to spend on any cream, I was saving it for my fake Louis (which, by the way, all the Asians in Chinatown no longer carry). Suckers.

We had an amazing view of the Empire State Building out our hotel room, which came equipped with HBO and life-like 5th ward residents mulling about the sidewalk. Not scary at all.

I managed to get us lost in Chinatown, Little Italy, and Times Square, but by the end was able to properly direct some tourists to the R line going downtown, which is more than I can say for the subway attendant.

We didn't make it the St. Patty's Day parade (did I mention it was 28 degrees?), but we did drink and we wore green, so we felt okay about it. Especially since Lea Ann and I managed to flash the city of New York from our hotel room -- it was like St Patrick's and Mardi Gras all in one!

We had the best cabbies ever, giving us advice on where to get the best deals, what the NY "rules" were, and all about what a fraud Guiliani is -- our kind of men!!

Then came Sunday, and while we didn't do Breakfast at Tiffany's, we did take a carriage ride through Central Park, had a hot dog from a street vendor, and ate Godiva inside Trump Tower.

Then it was time to leave (did I mention we flew JetBlue?). Our flight was scheduled for 9pm, got delayed to 9:40, then 10:10, and we finally boarded at 11pm, and taxied until midnight. Fun was had by all.

I love my mom and my sisters, I'm so glad they helped me go on this trip, and I certainly couldn't have done it without help from Shawn and Ginger with the kids. Lots more happened, and I'll be sending quips your way soon, but I've got inventory to enter for the sale, so I must say goodbye for now. Ciao!

Happy Birthday Ryan!!

I can't figure out how to embed the video, so you'll just have to click here. Sorry it's so dark -- the objective was to get the candles, but I was too late...The white blob jumping up and down? Yep, that's Jax.

And now I'm off to the Big Apple so you may not hear from me for a few days...don't wait up!!

How'd I Miss That One??

So here I am, cleaning out my desk, trying to finish up all my Mommy and Me stuff before New York, when I come across a note I had written myself about a conversation Ryan and I had. I don't know when it took place, but it doesn't really matter -- the message is universal:

Me: (looking at a drawing she made for me following a session in Time Out) "Oh, I see. It says you love me and you wish you hadn't said you hate me, right?"

Ryan: "Well, no. It says, 'Goodbye Forever'."

Naturally.

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Just got back from a road trip with Menana this afternoon. I've been desperately needing to visit Honey and Pappy, and I am fortunate enough to have a husband and MIL who were more than willing to watch the kids so that I could go. (Of course, now Jax wants nothing to do with me and Ryan's spending her 2nd night straight at Ginga's, but who's complaining?)

We stopped overnight Friday in Tomball and stayed with my very own Mrs. P, who welcomed us with open arms and lots of vomit. (She teaches 2nd grade. There was a bug going around. You understand.) Luckily, the ralph-fest didn't start until much much later in the evening, so we were able to get food, drinks, and chatter in long before she took her leave.

We went to out usual chow spot, El Corral, which I insist we eat at every time we pass through town with the hopes of running into my old frind Ed whose family runs the place. You know how sometimes there are just people you connect with? He's one of mine. Anyway, I finally got to see him and had such a good time talking about his family, gabbing about mine, and making plans to meet again. Chaika met up with us a little later on, which Shah was supposed to do as well, but skanked out on me at the last minute. Whatever, I got to drink so all was forgiven.

We did the girl thing and talked and talked and talked...and talked until after 1 am. I love that part of being a chick. I don't even remember what we talked about but I was happy and stress-free for a consecutive number of hours, and for me that's pretty freakin' fantastic.

We took off the next morning for Port Neches, and when we finally arrived, the flood gates opened. It's so hard for my mom to go home and not have her mother waiting for her at the door, and it's so sad to see Pappy all by himself, much less to later find that he no lnoger sleeps in their bed, and now wants us to try and take any of her things we may want before he begins selling it off. She's still with us, but he's accepted that she's not coming home again....I can't even imagine. They've been with each other since they were kids.

The tears came in waves, but in between there was a lot of laughter. My favorite part was when Pappy saw that his next door neighbor had let their dog shit on his lawn. Again.

"No problem," he said. "This happens all the time. I just throw it back onto his yard." At which point he marches into his garage to get his "shit-throwing" stick. He's so into it, too -- making noises, shooting little dog-poo torpedos as far as they will fly. And they did fly. One flew it's happy little ass all the way onto the neighbor's roof.

"Oh shit, Pappy! You just threw the poo on their roof!"

"What was that?"

"The poop. It landed on their roof."

(chuckle) "Well whattya know? Wonder how that dog got all the way up there..."

I LOVE this man.

Seeing Honey was hard, and I knew it would be, but there's just not really anything to prepare you for the tidal wave of emotion that washes over you as you first catch sight of the woman who used to sing to you and read to you and cook for you, now laying paralyzed in her bed. That's hard, man. That's hard.

She's still got some of her fire, though. She's got no qualms about snapping at us that we're being too loud, or telling Pappy to get a move on with her food, or informing you that she loves it when her sister visits, but that"she talks too much." She's got that wit and that's what I remember, that's what I take with me. She's still in there, underneath the weakened legs and limp figure, she's still givin' us hell.

There's a woman across the hall from Honey who I can't stop thinking about. Her name is Mrs. Theriot and she just had her leg amputated after the doctors found gout in her big toe. She's in so much pain and shock -- asking us "Why didn't He just take me?" and showing us her stump, crying, "This is all they left me. This is it." I'm tellin' ya -- if you have any ounce of faith or spirituality in your body, please send up a prayer for Mrs. Theriot -- she's gonna need 'em.

So anyway, we spent the rest of the time catching up and going through stuff in the attic and in drawers and closets...it's just so weird. I know I'm bringing you guys down, but I can't get it out of my head...

But now we're home, the kids are well, Shawn's sleeping on the couch, and I've got a kitchen full of dishes to tackle. Ohh! I almost forgot -- Welcome to the World, Beckett Moore! My girl Lyndsey had her first baby and I'm so happy that now she'll be able to begin suffering with the rest of us...:)

Quit Yer Bitchin'

Lea Ann says I've been sucking at this blog business lately. Thank you, I KNOW. I haven't seen Shawn in 2 days, I had Ry's teacher's bday to coordinate, a house to keep moderately non-toxic, 1001 things to do for Mommy and Me, and I've become the hunch-back of Mommy-ville with all the computer time I'm logging this week. Whew. Complaining can be soo exhausting, right?

Anyway, here's what's up: We had a Mommy and Me event at our local Chick Fil A Tuesday night. The cow was there. Fun was had.

On Wednesday I had the top layers of my two index fingers removed via our dvd player. Don't even think about asking me the how's or why's. All I feel like saying is The Little Mermaid is free and we've since been watching CARS non-stop. And now I'm more certain than ever that this family is electronically cursed.

Today was pretty okay until it was time to deliver Ms. Laura's gift. How cute is that anyway? The kids gave us words describing her, we made a design and put it on a tote bag and filled it with gifts from the kids. ANYWAY, while waiting for the class to return from their Texas Day activities, Jaxson decided to go balls-to-the-wall Destructor on me, attacking other children, breaking into nearby classrooms in order to ransack any and all toys not secured to the wall or floor, then led me and the 9 other mothers waiting in the hallways on a wild goose chase, wherein I broke my flip-flop and thus ended up workin' it hillbilly style in my bare feet. (No worries, I'm from Tomball -- I'm quite used to the hillbilly look) Once I did finally manage to locate and secure the rebel package, he managed to finally successfully fling himself out of my arms and onto the floor. Thank God he landed on his head -- that thing must be made of steel and covered in bubble wrap. Also? He's advanced from slapping my face when angry to pinching me on my cheeks, arms, back, etc.. Little tiny pincer-like pinching. So that's neat.

Anyway, I'm tired. My back hurts, and my brain stopped functioning 10 minutes ago.

Later.

P.S. Here's a pic of my bare foot driving home from preschool. Apparenetly, no matter how swamped I am, I always have time to take meaningless pics of myself while driving. I am that cool.

I Did It! I Did It!!

An homage to Jaxson, and his declaration of success everytime he does...anything. He's realy very cute about it, throwing his hands up in the air, jumping up and down. One day I'll figure out how to work this computer-thingy and I'll be able to post audio, until then, use your imagination.

In related new, I DID IT! Ladies, want your hubby to be a better helper at home? Want him to show some empathy for the hard work you do all day, regardless of the fact that you don't get paid shit? I have the answer: Threaten to get a job!! I used this tactic with Shawn the other night, and boy howdy, how the tables have turned! He even mopped up the floor after dinner last night! I got compliments on dinner, time on my own (without the kids!!), and not one complaint was muttered all day long.

I'm serious, girls. It's the new miracle pill -- tell your man you are giving him 3 months to prepare to step down in his current job, because you are going back to work, and watch the fun begin!!!

When the Shit comes MARCHing In

Last year it was January. This year it looks like our month of hell will be March. Fitting, since that's when EVERYTHING is happening.

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long, but like I said...March walked in and I bent over.

Friday was average, I guess. I had the kids signed up for Family Friday at the Y, thinking Shawn and I could get a few hours alone to just, umm, sit. Funny Mommy.

The drop-off went well, but then I didn't see Shawn until just before 6. One of my favorite bits about being married to a restaurant manager is the way they are never able to make plans with anyone other than the restaurant. She is my husband's mistress, and she and I are fixin' to throw down. Except for the whole "Sugar Mama" aspect of it -- I kinda like that he gets paid to be with her, so I guess I'll shut up now.

Two hours with no kids, so naturally we stayed home, drank beer and watched Def Comedy Jam -- not a complete waste after all.

We picked the kiddos up, stopped for ice cream, and had a semi-slumber party in our bed, watching Open Season, and delivering Jax to his bed when he just wouldn't sit still. All the while, Shawn's in his Blackberry, texting his managers who have all gathered at a bar and are requesting his presence. Too exhausted to do anything with me, but he can go out till 3 am with his WORK buddies who he sees, like, ALL THE TIME. Whatever, I'm an awesome wife, so I just smiled and didn't say a word. That's what the blog is for.

Saturday morning hit and the rush was on -- Ryan and her friend Chloe were having a joint birthday party at the mall, and I still hadn't put together the gift bags or wrapped either of the presents. I have no idea why now, but we had decided that 10-12 was a good time to have a party, so we needed to be out of the house by 9:30am. Did I mention that Shawn stayed out drinking until 3 am? Yeah, I don't know why I'm still under the mistaken impression that whenever he's home I'll have help. My life will be so much easier once I realize that he just increases my child:mom ratio to 3:1. Needless to say, we were late and I was stressed.

Oprah devotee that I am, I've really been changed by the whole "Secret" thing and Law of Attraction, intentions, etc, and so have been working really hard lately at sending out positive energy, trying to appreciate each moment for what it is and what it can teach me. Saturday morning showed me that my Yoga classes are even more valuable than I thought -- I was breathing like crazy trying to calm down and stay upbeat, when here comes Shawn with, "Why are you breathing like that? What's wrong with you? You are so weird." Like I said, 3:1.

The party actually was pretty great, and I'm so glad Chloe's mom suggested we do a combo thing, because I'm not sure I could have handled a party on my own this month. The kids had a blast, Shawn watched Jax (which was huge, seeing as how I was ready to let a stranger take him home -- he'd already jumped into the bubble bath that morning after having been dressed), I was finally able to have some "adult" time, chatting with the other moms, when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Amy Roberts!" There, smiling at me was my childhood arch nemesis -- the girl who lived across the street and tormented, nay, TORTURED me and my sisters when we were kids. Together with her brothers, they once stole my bike, tried to shove me down the storm drain, bombed our mailbox, and so much more... I'll never forget my mom suggesting I "kill her with kindness", leading to a month of me complimenting her at the bus stop every single morning like the little doormat I was.

"Hi!" I cheerily replied, and we began talking about her baby, my kids, her family, when lo and behold, I looked around and there they all were. All of them. Big Bad Scary neighbors and little 'ole Amy. Have I ever mentioned what a complete wimp I am? My heart was going 100mph, I started stumbling over my words, and all I could end up doing was complimenting every single one of them: "Great baby, nice clothes, cute wife, whatever -- just please don't hurt me!"

It was a sad, sad sight, and one I really wish my sisters could have seen, but not my mom -- Inflatable Wonderland is not exactly the best setting for a Julia Sugarbaker monologue. I love her, but I'm not sure the preschool crowd would understand...

Noon came and we hit the road, a motley crew of four, carrying coolers and presents, balloons and cake. When we finally made it to the house, it was naptime for everyone, since the kids and I had been up since 5:30, just two hours after Daddy got home.

The nap was great, and the kids and I were excited about having cake in the house, so we ate some more while we waited for Daddy to get up. Then we ate some more. and some more. And finally around 5pm, we had to stop because the cake was gone and Daddy still wasn't up. He finally stumbled down the stairs a little while later, asking what all the shouting was for (Jax had been busy, dropping the cake on the floor, popping Ryan's balloons, crying...). Again, 3:1.

Thankfully, Ryan's friends took her back to play at the mall, I got Jax off to bed early and I hit the sheets. Shawn and I hadn't really spoken since I told him he could get his own dinner, so by the time Ryan got back, I was more than happy to let her bunk with me. Big mistake.

It's spring in Austin, and allergies have hit, at least, I think it's allergies. You never know anymore. Anyway, she was up coughing all night long, and when I say all night long, I mean ALL NIGHT LONG. You know it's bad when finally, the nurturing mama in you takes her leave, and all you can do is put the kid in her own room to cough her lungs up so you can get an hour or two of sleep. Meds aren't working, btw -- any advice?

Sunday morning hit, and Shawn didn't have to work until 1:30, so I thought Ryan might want to stay home with him until I got back from teaching Sunday School. "No, I have to leave here at 11:15. I have an early meeting," was his reply. Silly mommy. Just because the schedule reads "1:30-close", I should know better than to assume that means he actually has to get there at that time. After all, on days when he opens, it reads, "5am-3pm", but everyone knows he doesn't get out of there until at least 5 pm. Like I said, I've just got to stop thinking I'll have help when he's home, or that he'll even be home at all...

I manage to get the kids dressed and in the car, I made pancakes for everyone, and we were even early, until I realized I'd dropped my keys under the car seat. Fed up with Shawn, my anger was getting the better of me as I dug around in the sticky nether-regions of the car floor, desperately groping for keys. Then Jax kicked me in the face and it was all over. The positivity had positively run out.

"I SWEAR TO GOD! WHY CAN'T WE EVER JUST HAVE A NORMAL MORNING? WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD? WHY CAN'T THINGS RUN SMOOTHLY? AND WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FREAKING KEYS???"

This is about the point when Shawn comes out, wondering why we haven't left yet. "I can't find my keys," I grumble. He then proceeds to ask me where I was when I last saw them.

"You know what?" I say, "this is not the time to start helping. Not when I'm now running late, the kids are crying, and I'm digging through stuck-on food and gum. Not the time Shawn!" At which point I saw my keys, grabbed them, and slammed the car door.

Wanna know his reply? "God, Amy. What's wrong with you? Chill out. I'm going back to bed."

Luckily the church is a ways away, so I had time to calm down, center myself and get ready to teach a room full of 3 yr old's all about God and love.

Class actually went really well, despite the fact that as I'm on the way to church, I get a voicemail from my co-teacher, my friend Angie, that she's sick and won't be able to be there. I am so grateful for that class - I really left feeling much better and renewed, which was needed since I was facing the rest of the day alone with the kids.

Naps were definitely on schedule, as was taking them to the gym so they could play and I could work out, except that when we woke up, Ry wasn't feeling well, so that plan was nixed. Instead, she wanted to play "Ariel". Do you have any idea how much work it takes to play "Ariel" with Ryan? First we have to gather all 11 of her Ariel dolls (please, people, no more Ariel dolls), then she has to tell me what to say, then I have to say it, then she has to say her part, then she has to undress the doll, then we have to sing a song, wash, rinse, repeat. It's exhausting.

But finally bedtime arrived and all went well. Until this morning when I discover that Jax barfed in his bed last night, and I have no idea why. He never woke me up, he has no fever and he's playing like nothing ever happened. I'd have already forgotten all about the puke if Ryan wasn't yelling, "Don't touch anything of mine, you are gross!" and"Get away from me Jaxson, you STINK!" Looks like it's bathtime.

Thanks for letting me vent, I feel much better.

The New Mikey

Ryan: This orange is nasty.

Me: Throw it away, then.

Ryan: Naw, I'll just give it to Jax.

February Snapshot

**Update: I am cracking up over all the horrible typos in this post. I'm telling you guys -- this computer takes so long to do ANYTHING, when I get the chance to type, I have to do it FAST -- it takes me 20 minutes just to log on to the web!! **

Let's get started, shall we?

Just a few of the better pics from the past month (pretty much, the only ones from the past month...)

Here's Ryan playing in our room.

And here she is immediately after she sees just what exactly I was taking a picture of.

BIG DREAMS:

and just goofin' around:

**While you're online, check out Mamarella...

A Little Bait

So here's the tease I have to offer you: Shawn fixed my computer last night, but it is slower than ever and I haven't been able to finish uploading the pics. I was, however, able to upload this. I wish I'd had more time on the camera to capture his full reaction, but it's safe to say Jax was jumping and yeling for 15 minutes straight. Enjoy!

Not That I'm Complaining...

Holy Mary Moo-Cow, things have been intense around here lately! So much going on, so many things working full speed, like Shawn, the man of my dreams with whom I've not been able to sit and talk to (uninterrupted) in a week.

The one thing NOT working? Our computer. Guess who broke it? (Ryhmes with TAX). I'm actually on Shawn's right now, typing this at 12:15 am because I had to wait for him to finish working before I could get on. It's amazing how tied a SAHM can become to her computer. Actually, I guess WAHM would be the more appropriate term now -- I am reeling in excitement over the build of our cheeky little chunkyretail business. I've had such wonderful feedback and reception -- thanks so much!!

That aside, I'm also rockin' with Mommy and Me, preparing for the VIP events and pulling everything together. Normally I'd procrastinate, but seeing as how the sale is March 24-25 and I'll be in New York the 15-18 (conquering my fear of hailing a cab), celebrating Ryan's 5th birthday on the 14th, traveling to Beaumont to visit my grandparents the weekend of the 9th, and throwing Ryan and her friend a co-party on the 3rd, as well as fulfilling my Room Rep responsibilities by organizing Ryan's teacher's birthday gift AND entering my own Mommy and Me sale items online, it's probably smarter to do what I can now.

On top of all that, there are those 2 little people who keep hanging around here, begging for food and asking me to take them places. Jax has been just as destructive as ever, but strangely sweet, and Ryan is just getting over a weekend fever. My mom and Ninny and I took her to see the Lion King yesterday, and the poor thing literally suffered through it. All ended well, though, and she even managed to get me so caught up in all the theatrical excitement that I'm fairly certain I may have promised her I'd build her a puppet theatre in her tree house. Yep, that sounds about right.

As for Shawn, seeing as how I really never do see him anymore, the most I can do for him lately is let him sleep when he can, feed him well, and stay quiet while he's working at home.

Two out of three's okay, yeah?

I have cute pics I'd love to show off, but it'll have to wait till tomorrow -- the usb cord is attached to the Piece of Crap (hereby known as "PC") upstairs, and I was too cheap to buy a memory card for the camera.

Look at it this way: it'll give you a reason to come back.

Where's Hitchcock When You Need Him??

I could have really used his directing abilities today. It was a 2007 re-make of The Birds right here in our very own home...

The kid's bathroom is a no-man's land in our house. Mainly because that's where I stash Jax's dirty diapers until trash day. The weather has been absolutely lovely lately, so I've been leaving the bathroom window up in order to release some of the odor. (Don't bother bringing up Diaper Genie -- he and I don't get along.)

Anyway, their bathroom is upstairs, and for some reason it is a favorite hangout for the neighborhood birds. I don't know what type they are but they're small and they peck out the window screen so that now we have a big giant window-wide hole in the screen, one just big enough for them to fly through should the owner of the house decide to , umm, open the window to let in a little fresh air. Silly owner.

Yesterday I opened the bathroom door to retrieve something and was stopped in my tracks by one of the little buggers flapping about like mad, trying to escape. I started to try to calm him down with my soothing words, until I got too close and all I could think was "AVIAN FLU!!", quickly shutting the door to let him figure it out himself. Aparently he did, because the next time I went in, he was gone.

Not wanting to make the same mistake today, but still needing to air out the bathroom, I cracked open the window just slightly, enough to get some circulation, but not so much that any disease-carrying creatures could get in. Or so I thought.

Around mid-morning today, Jax and I were doing our household chores when we hear chirping and flapping coming from the bathroom. Certain that they must just be outside the window, I opened the door, then shut it immediately at the sight of 2 birds flapping around, flying into the mirror, then the window, wall, and mirror again.

Laughing, I shut the door, glanced at Jax who was looking on in delight, took a deep breath, and worked out a game plan. I don't know how they made it in through that tiny little crack, but it was clear they were not going to make it back out without some help. I was going to have to go back in.

Covering my head, ducking down, but speaking in the most calming tone I could muster so as not to entice them to anger, I crept into the bathroom, trying to get to the window without dying. I was about halfway there when Jax started squealing, one of the brds took off into the house, and I began to scream, lunging toward the window while leaning heavily to the right so as not to come into contact with the other killer beast holding my bathroom hostage.

I made it to the window, freed bird #1, ran out to the hallway to find the other when lo and behold, it started making a beeline straight at my head. Screaming, I hit the ground as it gracefully dove over me and out the window, listening to Jax cackle and yell, "Funny!Funny!Funny!"

And you know what? It really was.

I Am Grateful...

...that Jax is so cute, otherwise none of his pulling-proucts-off-the- shelves-and-throwing-them-to-the-floor shenanigans would seem funny to anyone, and we'd be asked to leave every store we entered.

...that Ryan is so loud, it's like her own little personal GPS system -- I always know where she is.

...that they insist on splashing for the duration of bathtime -- how else would the bathroom floor get clean?

What "blessings" are you grateful for??

Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here

But I do. And so does my husband. And my kids. And one of us has to clean.

I've been putting it off for soooo long. It seems like such a futile task. One second it's clean, the next it's red and sticky with bits of lint stuck all over.

Using my keen powers of self-trickery I had previously purchased the Mr. Clean Bathroom Wand thingy, as well as some new flushable toilet cleaners and the cutest pair of plastic gloves (Target Dollar Spot), all of which worked wonders in convincing me that what I was doing was fun.

That being the case, I was cleaning for the better part of the day, and left the kids with Shawn, so I don't have any good stories except that Jax's poop is subsiding (did I forget to mention he had a stomach virus this weekend?), he's rockin' his Big Boy Bed, and Ryan had chilled out a bit, but has yet to let go of her passion for slamming doors.

P.S. Check out what I've been working on in my 'spare time'...

TRUCKTRUCKTRUCKTRUCKTRUCK

Jaxson's vocabulary has just exploded over the past month or so -- his words are becoming clearer, he's putting them together for mini-sentences, he's even started counting on his own.

The one prob we can't figure out? Why he won't say CAR. He uses "truck" for everything with wheels, will point out the "car" to you when asked, but refuses to use the word. Shawn gritted his teeth through an hour of NASCAR yesterday just trying to get him to say "car".

Here's what I overheard this morning:

Shawn: "Say firetruck"
Jax: "firetruck"

Shawn: "Say airplane"
Jax: "ayplane"

Shawn: "Say train"
Jax: "train"

Shawn: "Say Car"
Jax:"TRUCK!"

(immediately followed by the sound of Shawn banging his head against the wall...)

Little Baby Jesus is Pissed

This must be what's going through Ryan's head right now. Absent of any other ideas to try to get her to stop this primadonna ride she's on, I've succumbed to the tried and true technique of guilting her into straightening up.

Time Out doesn't work, neither does taking toys away. She's fighting constantly with Jax, pulling, pushing, hitting, teasing and refusing to share. In turn, he's pulling, pushing, hitting and crying when she teases him and refuses to share.

The kid is awesome -- she's got a heart of gold, or at least, that's what her teacher says. I've yet to see it directed at her bro, though. In fact, earlier this week I used that tactic to try to get her to act nicer -- no more playdates until she starts treating her brother as well as she treats her friends.

It's not working.

So I've enlisted Baby Jesus and His posse. "Baby Jesus is watching" has become my new motto, one which was burned into my brain by my mother and she by hers. We're Catholics. It's how we roll. I used to be wary of instilling the guilt complex, but I'm at my wit's end, and she'll have the rest of her life to pull herself out of the self-loathing and fear that will follow.

Earlier today, when I'd used Baby Jesus for the umpteenth time and she still wasn't obeying, I resorted to calling in the big guns. The REALLY BIG GUNS.

Me: "Ryan -- I guess you don't want to go to Heaven and live with Baby Jesus when you die. Looks like you'd rather burn in Hell with the Devil for all eternity."

Ryan: "Yeah, that would probably be more fun."

Spreadin' the Love...

In honor of Dylan Thomas, I am not going gentle into that good night. I love my chunkyrhino shop, and I know many more would love it,too, if they only knew about us!!! My advertising skills and time are limited, and since my faithful followers are few (though FANTASTIC), I've decided to join forces with the gal who started it all (for me, anyway).

Back when I first got preg with Ry, my Mom ordered me a subscription to one of the phalanx of Baby Mags, wherein I read about Mindy Roberts and her blog, aptly and oh-so-covetously named"The Mommy Blog". I loved reading her and loved the basis behind what she was doing, but being a theatre teacher, coach and choir director, didn't really have the time to start my own.

We all know what happened next: I stopped teaching, went a little nuts, and chunkyrhino was born. She inspired me, I still read her religiously, and now I'm counting on her to take me to the next level. (No pressure, Mindy...)

I've signed up for advertisement on her new site, Boutique Community, which looks like it'll be my new favorite place to hang out!! Shop Chunkyrhino is still in full swing, and hopefully, with the aid of my new "teammate", it will actually hit something.

Go visit Mindy, check out the new site, let your friends know...this one's gonna be HUGE!!!!