I could have really used his directing abilities today. It was a 2007 re-make of The Birds right here in our very own home...
The kid's bathroom is a no-man's land in our house. Mainly because that's where I stash Jax's dirty diapers until trash day. The weather has been absolutely lovely lately, so I've been leaving the bathroom window up in order to release some of the odor. (Don't bother bringing up Diaper Genie -- he and I don't get along.)
Anyway, their bathroom is upstairs, and for some reason it is a favorite hangout for the neighborhood birds. I don't know what type they are but they're small and they peck out the window screen so that now we have a big giant window-wide hole in the screen, one just big enough for them to fly through should the owner of the house decide to , umm, open the window to let in a little fresh air. Silly owner.
Yesterday I opened the bathroom door to retrieve something and was stopped in my tracks by one of the little buggers flapping about like mad, trying to escape. I started to try to calm him down with my soothing words, until I got too close and all I could think was "AVIAN FLU!!", quickly shutting the door to let him figure it out himself. Aparently he did, because the next time I went in, he was gone.
Not wanting to make the same mistake today, but still needing to air out the bathroom, I cracked open the window just slightly, enough to get some circulation, but not so much that any disease-carrying creatures could get in. Or so I thought.
Around mid-morning today, Jax and I were doing our household chores when we hear chirping and flapping coming from the bathroom. Certain that they must just be outside the window, I opened the door, then shut it immediately at the sight of 2 birds flapping around, flying into the mirror, then the window, wall, and mirror again.
Laughing, I shut the door, glanced at Jax who was looking on in delight, took a deep breath, and worked out a game plan. I don't know how they made it in through that tiny little crack, but it was clear they were not going to make it back out without some help. I was going to have to go back in.
Covering my head, ducking down, but speaking in the most calming tone I could muster so as not to entice them to anger, I crept into the bathroom, trying to get to the window without dying. I was about halfway there when Jax started squealing, one of the brds took off into the house, and I began to scream, lunging toward the window while leaning heavily to the right so as not to come into contact with the other killer beast holding my bathroom hostage.
I made it to the window, freed bird #1, ran out to the hallway to find the other when lo and behold, it started making a beeline straight at my head. Screaming, I hit the ground as it gracefully dove over me and out the window, listening to Jax cackle and yell, "Funny!Funny!Funny!"
And you know what? It really was.
“Oooooh, Neato!” by The Pioneer Woman
1 week ago