Thursday, March 13, 2008

Dear Ryan,

dear dear dear Ryan....there is a sink full of dishes, a living room covered in foam packing peanuts, a load of ironing and a screaming 3 yr old to tend to, but I wanted to take a moment and record for posterity just how excited you have been to turn 6.

All month long, it's been "birthday this and birthday that" with you, and today alone you reminded me 47 times that tomorrow is your birthday, the "Big Day" and that you will indeed be 6 years old.

Aside from the irritating repetition of it all, I dread hearing you say that over and over, mostly because I can still remember this exact night 6 years ago when Ninny and I sat up in our apartment waiting for Daddy to come home from his 2nd job, fluttering with nervous energy and anxiety at what awaited me the next day -- what awaited all of us. How did 6 years go by in the wink of your big blue eyes?

To put it mildly, I was scared shitless. Part of me was wondering how much longer you could stay in without damaging anything, and part of me wanted it to be over yesterday. No part of me didn't want you -- I just was a little concerned about all the pushing and screaming and tearing flesh I'd heard so much about. Luckily, your entry into this world was a snap -- it was the year following that sent me around the bend a time or two.

But, oh when you came out, you took my breath away. As Menana said, you were perfect. Every inch of your tiny body was perfectly perfect, and even though you resisted my breasts as much as I once did (that's a story for another time), it was clear that we were already bonded, like it or not.

I cannot tell you the nights I've laid awake crying just because of you. Not for sad or bad reasons, but just because of the pure wonder and joy of Ryan Elizabeth York. I'm always aware of the times I fail you, and I know I make you more than aware of the times you don't perform up to my expectations, but I hope you also know that you are the most perfect gift I've ever received (well, you and your brother -- although right now, a teeny more you than him) and there is no one else I would have wanted to make me a Mommy.

Daddy loves you, too, but he's not half as eloquent as I am, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Happy Birthday, you perfectly imperfect blaze of blonde attitude and brilliant energy.

You are truly Divine.

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