Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Chunkyrhino Discipline

Isn't is absolutely fabulous when a teacher you've never met escorts your child to the car to inform you that she had to write her up for sticking her fingers in another kid's food and making a mess? And don't you just love that feeling that wells up as the teacher admonishes you to "talk to her about not touching other kid's food"?

Me too! Thank goodness I got to experience it this afternoon -- it's clearly been too long since my child's discipline problems have been brought to my attention by a teacher -- I mean, who wants to wait 3 whole days???

Bless her heart. She's only 5, for the Love of Licorice. And she's a girl. You know how they just wanna have fun and all. Duh.

According to Ry, the little boy MADE her stick her finger in his peanut butter, using what I can only imagine is a new and improved Ry Remote, one of which I would love to get my hands on. Whether or not this was truly the case is the least of the issues, but the fact that I'm in doubt over her story? That feels a little like ripping my toenails off very slowly, then taking a dip in a nice citrus salt bath.

How desperately I wish for the all-knowing power of those tv moms who can just tell from a mere look whether or not their mischievous child is lying. Do they have special glasses? Are the taking extra Vitamin A?

I've been foiled twice lately by my misguided (?) belief in my daughter's word -- the latest event involved her drawing all over the walls, toilet, floor and hall closet and blaming it on her brother. (No idea where she got that...) Thank God she has a logically thinking, reasonable father who refrains from jumping to conclusions.

But that's neither here nor there.

So we're in the car, I'm soaking up all the wonderful, juicy emotions floating around in the air, and I explain to Ryan that even if the kid did tell her to stick her finger in his food, he is not in charge of her actions. Neither am I. Neither is her teacher. It's just Ryan, the one and only, steering this runaway bus, and all the directions and GPS systems given by Mommy and Daddy and Teacher and Barney and God won't lead her down the right path if she doesn't turn them on and follow the annoying voice. Simply put, it's a bout making, say it with me now, 'Good Choices'.

" _____ doesn't make the rules, Ryan. You know that you're not supposed to touch other people's food. That's a school rule. Not a ____ rule. He doesn't get to say when you have to follow the rules. He didn't make them, the school did. And you know that. You did not make a good choice."

"But who made them first?"


"Who made the school rules first?"

"The school did, Ryan."

" Hang on -- the school can talk?"

And lecture time is officially over...

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