The Thing About My Family

We fight -- oh Lord, do we fight. We're loud and often obnoxious. We drink too much and talk about taboo topics (mostly sex, and mostly my Dad). But mess with just one of us, and you'd better watch out, because all that fight, obnoxious volume, and lewd convo will come reigning down upon you in a fury. So much so that we eventually learned to stop telling each other about bad boyfriends or bosses, out of fear that we may one day take our comments back, and that by then it may be too late. Just ask Shawn, he knows.

Anyway, after my post about Ryan's bike problems, they apparently jumped to action, emailing each other, searching online, and coming to the mutual agreement that they would take care of this bike issue (and if possible, the little boy who made the disparaging comment).

I, of course, did not find out about any of this until about 9:30 last night.

I originally received a phone call from Ninny at around 7:30 stating she was at the moment preparing to purchase a new bike for Ryan, and would a 20" one do?

"It says it's for kids 48" or taller, Amy."

"Well, that doesn't help us, Nin, 'cause Ry is only 42". Plus, I already posted a wanted add on freecycle, so please just save your money."

"Whatever, I'm buying the bike. What else, a helmet?"

"I guess so."

"Pink?"

"You know it."

Then 9:30 rolled around and we received another phone call, this time from Arizona, where Lea was busy searching craigslist.

"Hey, you can get a big girl's bike for $35 in Pflugerville," she begins.

"I'm not paying $35 for a bike, Lea Ann. I posted an ad on freecycle. I'm sure someone out there will respond."

"OOH! Here's one for $20!" (she's very good at ignoring me)

"Lea Ann -- Jennifer already called and said she bought one, so just forget about it."

"Well who was this boy who said her bike was stupid?" (did I mention we also all have a flair for exaggeration??)

"No, Lea Ann. We're not gonna put a hit out on a 9 yr old for making a COMPLETELY TRUE STATEMENT. Plus, Ry didn't hear him, so no harm done."

"Hmmph. Weeelll, here's one for $25 in Round Rock."

Hearing my exasperated sigh, Shawn pipes up from across the room: "What about Jax? Does anyone think about him?" (I've yet to break the news that I'm busy planning t o spray paint Ry's current Barbie bike black. He'll LOVE that idea.)

I convey his message to Lea, and she quickly begins her search. That's the difference between my two sisters: one will jump up and buy anything anytime, no questions asked. The other one? She'll let you know where YOU can buy the needed item for the least amount of money.


After we complete our conversation, I call my mom to brag about her two youngest offspring.

As she starts laughing, she says,"Yeah, Dad and I are online right now searching for a bike for Ry." Seriously.

"Oh my God, you guys are insane!"


"Well, Dad's over here saying we should get her one for our house, and then when she comes to visit, we can run along beside her like we used to do with y'all. Then I looked at him, and he said, 'Well, you can run along beside her.'" (The man is a 5-time heart attack survivor.Plus, they live on a hill. I'm not sure I'd be able to run next to her.)



"I can't believe all of you are this serious about getting her a new bike. It's really not that big a deal. I'm almost sorry I mentioned it. "

"Well, if you must know, Ninny put out a APB on the bike issue, I said we would all help get her a bike, but not to tell you so it could be a surprise. I love how they listen to me."

That's another thing about my family -- you might think there are secrets, but the real secret is that everyone knows what they're not supposed to. You'd think by now that we'd stop telling "secrets", but we're stubborn as well.

Non-secret-keeping stubborn little-boy-threatening bike-buying rednecks. That's us!!