Making Amends

So I have this friend from Back Home, who as a girl was known to cause me to crap myself and crumple my self-esteem just with a glance. Supposedly, she never knew her looks could kill, but one can never be too sure.... Anyway, I love her very much, mostly because she's just as silly as me, but also for all those other hearts and rainbows and lovey reasons we all love our friends. So imagine my surprise when I heard she was (gasp!) embarrassed by a hilarious picture of her I posted on my Facebook page (cringing as I type that) from Shah's wedding last weekend. Of course, she says her protests and "HOOKER" catcalls were all in good fun, but she mixed guilt with a Catholic, and I will not let the matter die without full flogging of myself for all the internet to see. Not that anyone other than my mom and a couple of my friends who've seen me look much worse will read this, but I feel gratified anyway.

So Kellie, this one's for you:



You touched a nerve with the "hooker" bit, so I thought I'd show you just what a hooker I can (could, was) be. Pre-reduction, pre-highlights, this was me as "Angel" from Best Little Whorehouse, my first and only role on the Mainstage, but one nobody will ever let me forget. (Especially not Ninny, who calls me every.single.time. she hears "Hard Candy Christmas" on the radio.) Anyway, there you go, pretty embarrassing, no? Although you could say it doesn't really count, since I was dressed for a part, so here's another one...

I'm not sure what part of this picture is the most horrifying -- the face, the bangs, or the copper lipstick. Either way, it's bad. Bad bad bad. But again, perhaps you don't think this picture suffices, having been taken over 13 years ago, so I've got one more for ya, taken just last year:

Me as Shawn last Halloween. This is the best I've got (for now) but I'm sure if you wait a few days I'll find more. And yes, he will make me pay for posting this pic of him, so now I'm doubly punished.

There. Now. The slate is clean, I've absolved myself of my sins, and I'm off to devour my humiliation by way of a nice big box of Thin Mints.

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!!!

Mother of God, Shah is getting married. Going about it in the only way fitting -- friends with the guy, start dating one month ago, and now they're planning on a January wedding. This is just one of the thousands of reasons I love her, as is her queer ability to find similarities in completely opposite items of clothing. She's famously quoted as saying, "I have a shirt just like that, except it's long-sleeved and has stripes instead of polka dots and is open in the back." And in the very next breath, she will give a painfully detailed matter-of-fact explanation as to why she can't eat green leafy items on Tuesdays, due to her shellfish and strawberry allergies. Or something to that effect.


So even though I've never met, spoken with, or even seen a picture of this "John", I'm more than certain that he must be FIERCE if he was able to snag that crazy coonass.




Let's pass a time, bebe!