Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sister Mary Ryan

I thought it was bad when I picked the kids up from Angie's the other day (she was watching them for me while I visited an acupuncturist/chiropractor about my injury) and she told me she caught Hunter and Ryan smoochin' on the front porch. The same Hunter who we found with Ryan in her closet while she was naked. Yep, that one. I adore that kid, so I guess if there's any boy she should betrothe herself to through her acts of "love", he'll do just fine (and believe me, I do mean betrothe).

But then I found out she was flashing her girlie-parts to Hunter and his brother Jayden on the porch, as well. And now I'm considering sending her to nunnery. And no, I'm not kidding.

I am mortally freaked out, and it's taking all my strength to keep from showing my freaked-out-edness, so as not to "make a big deal" of it.

I was the prude of prudes, terrified of kissing, even in college -- I was just insecure and scared, scared, scared. This must be something she gets from her sexually-promiscuous father, who is away at work so much that unfortunately the act of disciplining her for this type of behavior lies on me, the one who for years masqueraded her ginormous chest so as not to give boys any reason to pay her any "dirty" attention. And I do mean "dirty".

I am seriously hyperventillating, and checking out everything from The Sound of Music to The Flying Nun, in a last-ditch effort to save her from what is surely the path to stripperdom and prostitution. Seriously. Seriously.

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