So, Shawn grounded Ryan yesterday for lying. That's our #1 no-no here at Casa de Dysfunction, so I was totally behind his decision to punish her until I found out he grounded her for a week, and was very explicit in laying out the terms of the grounding:
1. No TV
2. No Playdates
3. No books at bedtime
4. No songs at bedtime (the child cannot fall asleep without listening to her radio at night)
Fuckwah?? Hello! Mr. Mom, next time you decide to interfere could you check with me first?? You don't see me running to your restaurant and firing every bad employee I see, do you??
No TV for a week? Fine, I can work around that, we watch too much as it is. No books at bedtime? Again, it makes me a little sad, but okay. The song business? I feel her pain, but she shouldn't have lied, so maybe as she's laying up in her bed, counting crayon marks on the ceiling, trying to fall asleep, she'll actually spend some time thinking about why she's got no music, and hopefully that lesson will stick with her. Fine.
But NO PLAYDATES?? Who do you think I am, Ghandi?? My week is managed through playdates -- I network via playdates, the way you guys "make deals" on the golf course. I work two child-based side jobs, how the hell am I supposed to do that when you've forbidden my child from playing with other kids for a week?
Exhibit A: The Morning Meeting Playdate: This occurs when I need to meet for Mommy and Me, and instead of begging or (gasp!--paying) for childcare, I arrange a meeting/playdate so the kids are occupied while the mommies do business. Which, FYI, I've got one this very morning at 10 am AT OUR HOUSE. Your answer? "Keep her in her room while the other kids are here." Fine, but what you also don't understand is that she's my Social Director. She keeps the kids going so we don't have to break every 5 minutes to give them ideas on what to play next. Good one, Dad.
Exhibit B: The New-Mom/ Friend Playdate: Do you not remember me tellng you I was looking forward to having a playdate with the new people we met at McDonald's last week? The one who has more in common with us than any other kid/parent combo we've yet to meet? Yeah, that one. Looks like that's out the window...
Exhibit C: The Cocktail Hour Playdate: No, we don't drink at these (but that's not a bad idea...), but they do provide the benefits we used to reap from those alcohol-induced gabfests where we girls hash out all the troubles with you men, and that, my friend, is invaluable time spent - invaluable.
So you see, not only have you grounded our little fibber for the week, you've also grounded me, and let me tell you, I'm not that happy about it, and you will be hearing from my lawyer, Mr. Jaxson T. York. Good luck with that one.