Party Hardy

Have just spent the end of 2006 hangin' with my peeps. Took the kids to the bookstore, then to church, and finally ended up at Chili's. After an hour or so of them "charming" every other diner, every server, and even a few bus boys, we headed home for bathtime and an unfortunately unforgettable 20 minutes of perusing The Naked Brothers Band website with Ryan.

Ninny's living it up at at Sandra Bullock's bash, but I'm pretty sure I got the better party.

Or something.

Happy New Year!!

P.S. Want something more entertaining to read? Check us out one year ago. I love this family.

Just counting the days...

...until THIS. Just 4 more to go!!!

From Us to You

Okay, so I know I'm the last one out here to discover this holiday treat, but go on over to mamarella and enjoy anyway!

Very Merry

For all the huffing and puffing, Christmas actually did turn out wonderfully. With a house full of family and friends, lots and lots of fattening yummies, and probably a few too many gifts, we had an extremely blessed holiday.

Shawn worked Christmas Eve, so he "missed" going to church with my family and the kiddos, although really, we only stayed through the gospel, then slipped out the back. Elderly people needed our seats and all, you understand.

Then it was back to the house to attempt to carry on Honey's tradition of gumbo on Christmas Eve. It only took us 2 tries. The first ended with a very burnt, very smokey bowl of roux (not at all our fault, I'll have you know), but the second batch was successful, so kiss my ass, you never tasted gumbo so good, Dad.

Then it was on to the gifts. Baby Jesus In A Manger, we had a lot of gifts, or the kids did anyway: cars, trucks, ipods,laptops,
barbies, barbies, barbies
and lots 0f "ugghh..more clothes..." Ry also scored a dance mat w/dvd, which would be awesome if we still had a dvd player. Oh, I didn't tell you that story? Silly me. I'll have to post about it later...

Santa left a Power Wheels Jeep for Jax (which he got for a steal at the Mommy and Me Sale), and Lion King tickets and a Genevieve doll for Ry (thanks to Ninny for leaving the actual tix at her apt, sending Mommy on a mad dash to print out passable ones at midnight).

This morning was spent laboring over Peppermint Mocha Coffee, Eggnog French Toast and Sky-High Brunch Bake, but not before I regaled Ry with stories of my bleeding foot from the night before -- One hand-me-down table from sis : $0; One dustbuster to clean up broken tabletop: $30; One new tabletop: $100, gashing your foot on an errant piece of broken glass, leaving pools of blood on the garage floor: priceless.

Slowly the rest of the family trickled in, bringing bits and piece of what would be a masterful Christmas dinner.

But now, everyone is gone, leaving Mommy, Daddy, Ry, Jax and Nana sipping warm apple cider, eating gingerbread, and watching Pirates of the Carribean.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!!

Swanhilda

Ryan had her first dance "recital" this week. More of an informal showing than an actual recital, but it was fun. Ry provided the real entertainment, goofing off at every chance, falling to the ground whenever possible. I have no idea where she gets it from *cough*. One of the moms cried during the performance. I almost reached over to tell her that it wasn't that bad, and would be over shortly, but from the look of pride on her face, I decided against it. Some people.



I could have cried, too. Not out of pride, but because we have a house full of sick peeps. I've been dealing with the horribly-named Herpangina, Ry's had pink eye, and Jax has fevers on and off and wheezing. Took him to the doctor yesterday, where we were told it was a viral thing, just wait it out. You all know how much I love paying money to hear that.

Holiday Spirit

Let me be the first quasi-Austinite to say that the Zilker Trail of Lights BLOWS. That's right, I said it, and I stand by every word. For all the hoopla and trouble you have to go through to get there, the end result isn't all that.

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it was the feeling of being herded like cattle amongst hundreds of others, maybe it was all the cigarette smoke (go figure -- the park is the only place you can smoke in Austin anymore), maybe it was the little girl whose mom let her run amuck, tripping Shawn and almost sending him and Jax (up on Shawn's shoulders) tumbling to the ground. Whatever it was, it sucked.

The highlight of the whole thing was the train ride, which we had to wait until 10 pm to ride, and the fact that during that wait, I made Shawn watch Jax, since it was his brilliant idea to go in the first place.

But I must say, in all my life experiences, I've learned that sometimes the best family memories are the ones where you had to endure some sort of horror together -- like the trip to Flagstaff where we got into a fight with an Indian owner of a gas station, or DisneyWorld, when my mom "had words" with a Yankee. So all in all, I guess it did turn out okay as far as family time goes -- the kids got to stay up late, I got to bitch out a mom, and Shawn just got to spend time with us. How's that for a silver lining?

Let's Just Call It Punishment

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Our Inaugural Return

Grab some popcorn, a drink and sit back and relax: I've got a doozy for ya.

The previous post? That was 9 am this morning. A mere 31/2 hours since his father so lovingly left him in my care, he proceeded to yank the heavy glass table top off of our kitchen table, sending it crashing to the ground as we were quite literally walking out the door. Relax, he's fine.
But our wood floor is not. If we were ever in denial about needing to replace it, we no longer are.

Lucky for Jaxson, I was scheduled to take a Yoga class after dropping Ry off at school, so at least I was able to relieve something -- although I almost got it back, when after telling the class why I was in such a horrible mood, one lady offered up this piece of advice:

"Maybe he's just trying to get some attention."

Yeah, and maybe you'd like my fist in your face. Namaste.

Took me half the morning to clean up the glass, so for those of you still waiting on Christmas cards...keep waiting.

The afternoon actually did get better, Ryan's teacher was so proud of her because when the class realized that one little bot was without a Christmas bell (they read the Polar Express), she offered up hers. Then when we got home, she informed me, "You know, Mom, some people think I'm cool."

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Me."

Which is always good to hear from your 4 yr old daughter.

Later, Ryan, Emma, Jaxson and I were hanging out in the backyard, and I actually found myself in a serious debate over why the people in the house behind us never ever jump on their 2-month-old trampoline.

Ryan: "They were on it the other day, throwing things at my head."

This led us to another of our favorite conversations: Real vs. Pretend.

After discovering that no one had thrown anything at Ryan, we continued our debate:

Emma: "Maybe they're afraid they'll be tempted by the Devil and start throwing things.

ry: "Why don't we just go over there and just ask them?

Mom: "Naw, they're older and they're boys. You don't wanna mess with them."

Emma: "I had to mess with an older boy today. He was being mean to my friend, so I twisted his arm like this (demonstrates).

"Mom: "So you nun-chucked a 4th grader?" (I have no idea what nun-chucking is, but I'm pretty sure it sounded cool to a 4 and 7 year old.)

Emma: "Uh huh." (Sits. Sighs.) "Good times. Good times."

So that was TODAY. I've yet to touch on What-the-Hell-Wednesday. May I? I'll be brief.

1. Left Ryan's lunch and backpack at home. Had to supplement with convenience-store food.
2. Had a playdate in the sand, which eventually led to an escapade into the wooded picnic area, where Ryan saw an ant and had a nervouse breakdown, nearly throwing her head into a large boulder.
3. Spent 15 minutes trying to chase a bee out of our car, difficult seeing as how all the windows were open and Jaxson's car seat was soaked with fruit juice.
4. Took the kids to the mall to return some items, and Jaxson bit a baby.

Hmmm... yeah, I think that's all. Just your average Wednesday.

Shattered Glass

by Jaxson York.

I don't get mad, I get LAZY

When Shawn comes home tonight and bitches about having to make his own dinner and iron his own clothes, please help me remind him about this morning when he got Jax up at 5:30 am, and then LEFT THE HOUSE.

A little tip as to why I feel mentally ill ALL THE TIME

Scene: Mommy and kids, roaming the aisles at Target. Ryan walks behind Mommy while Mommy pushes Jax. Ryan is pouting about not getting a slushy.

Mommy: Ryan, you need to check yourself or I'm not gonna let you see if Emma can play when we get home.

Ryan: What?

M: I said, you need to chill out or yo're not going to get to play today.

R: What?

M: (sigh) Nevermind.

R: Huh?

M: Just forget it Ry.

R: What did you say?

M: Nothing. Forget I said anything.

R: You're pretending you forgot what you were saying?

M: Christ.

R: What?

...and, scene.

Yee-haw!!

Man, that was rough. I missed you guys!! In fact, I'm crafting some "chunkyrhino withdrawal" items at cafepress -- I'll let you know when they're ready.

I took the kids to meet Menana and Big Daddy at Backstage Steak House last night. Nothing like an evening of screaming, food-throwing, and fork-playing by candlelight. But damn, the food was worth it!!

Now, on to more serious matters:

Ryan wants to act. Like, literally. I've been catching her more and more lately, performing commercials in front of the mirror, acting out little plays in her head, etc... We started talking about it, and she said she wanted to be one of the kids in the commercials on tv, That, and she wants to be in a Harry Potter movie. I broke the Harry Potter news to her, but her spirit didn't waiver -- she still wants to perform.

Now, I'm not at all surprised (nor should anyone be), nut I've been fighting the urge for quite some time now. Having dabbled in the performance arena, I was very wary. Plus, I'll be damned if I live vicariously through a 4 yr old.

But now she's asking to do it, she's always doing it, so does that mean it's time to let her explore that avenue? That avenue being auditions, acting classes, having to deal with inflated egos and demanding divas (and that's just the mothers).

This scares the shit out of me.

Talking Points

Ryan: "Mom, today in Music, G. told me to smell her butt." (giggle)

Me: "Why would she do that?"

Ry: (shrug)"Idunno, I guess she just wanted me to."

Me: "Did you?"

Ry: "Yep. And then she smelled mine."

Me: "That's disgusting."

Ry: "It was fun! Don't forget to tell Daddy when you talk to him on the phone that I smelled G.'s butt, okay??"



Jaxson, in his typical toddler way, is havinf a little trouble with saying his words correctly. For instance:

DRINK = Tink

TRUCK = Guck

And my personal fave:

FATHER = Fucker

He is such a good little boy.

You Better Not Cry

We took the kids to see Santa this weekend. Let's see how that went...


AndHere are the rest of the pics from the Walk of Lights.

Hohoho.

On Not Losing Hope

So. Shortly after that last post (actually, it was 90 seconds), I chopped all my hair off.

I was going to shave it, but I thought that might be more on the side of crazy than I wanted, and I knew Shawn would never speak to me again.

I needed to let go of something. Plus, my split ends were horrendous.

The great effect of this drastic move was not a new haircut, but rather the company of my friend Elisa, whom I called upon to "even out the back". You should have seen the look on her face when she showed up .

Anyway, I got to vent and release a lot of that Mommy crap that builds up (or, as Lea Ann says, "bitterness" -- no one likes her very much) and decided to quit bitching and play. So, the kids and I went to the park, leaving behind a filthy house, long to-do list, and extra diapers.

Here are the pics.

Afterwards, we tried the movies, where it was $1 Wednesday, but as soon as we ran out of candy, Jax was out, soggy diaper drooping, and we were gone.

I then proceeded to attempt a nap, a feat Jaxson was hell bent on prohibiting. So, I locked them out of the house while I cleaned the kitchen (not that it makes it much easier to sweep the floor when your 19 month old is banging on the glass door, snot and tears streaming down his face as he screams "Mommy!")

We got things situated, I realized (too late) that it was the cursed day of the week, resigned myself to the fact that the rest of the day wasn't gonna get much better, and grabbed myself a beer.

I'm feeling much better now.

I Hate the Holidays

I used to love them. I used to get excited and worked up over all the little details, all the special moments, all the lights and warmth and togetherness.

Then I had kids.

With one, it was still fun -- the excitement of fall, the anticipation of family and friends, presents and more.

Now that there are two of them and I'm outnumbered, I can totally understand why the suicide rate increases so drastically this time of year.

Ryan's in school, which means lots of new activities and parties and desserts to be made and treats to be packaged and guilt over not being able to volunteer because of Jaxson, who refuses to accept the term "Sit Still". I love to bake, I love spending time in the kitchen and making yummy homemade goodies. I love giving our creations to our friends and family, neighbors and acquaintances. I do not love how much it costs to purchase all the items needed. I do not love the grocer's exuberance over providing hundreds of foil roasting pans for turkey and such, but no extra foil pie pans. I was THIS CLOSE to having a Steve Martin "Father of the Bride" moment in the store yesterday. THIS CLOSE.

I love spending time with family, I do not love it that everyone in my family is childless, and can therefore afford to do the things we cannot, yet still insist on having us do them anyway. I do not like my inability and unwillingness to say NO.

I love the convenience of credit. I do not love the credit companies.

I love having a clean, inviting home during the holidays. I do not love mopping the floor,then finding it sticky with juice, scratched by rocks, and cluttered with crumbs 10 minutes later. I do not love doing the massive amount of dishes from baking and such, only to turn around and find that the 2- gallon tupperware bowl my husband thought would fit the turkey is now sitting, covered in turkey juice, in the sink. I do not love that.

I love spreading holiday cheer (can't you tell?) by sending treats with Shawn to his employees. I do not love that after a long day of cleaning, re-cleaning, shopping, baking, cooking, and laundry, all my husband can think to ask me is "Did you iron my clothes yet?", and "why are you even making this stuff?"

I love being able to provide a calm, relaxing atmosphere for Shawn to come home to after a bad day at work. I love the clean bedroom, covers turned down in case he wants to rest a bit, the low lighting, etc. I do not love the way he decided to shit all over it by throwing his crap everywhere for me to pick up.

I do not love all the requests for donations I cannot turn down, yet really can't afford. Teacher gifts, aide gifts, "special"(music, pe, worship) teacher gifts. I do not like it when the Fraternal Order of Police calls me to chastise me for never sending in the contribution I pledged. I do not like that.

I hate the people all around you, with their slimy, stinky, rude kids pushing and shoving and running over toes. I hate the commercialism of Christmas, and the fact that everyone completely skips over Thanksgiving. I hate how greedy we all are, how we are made to feel less-than if we don't own EVERYTHING.

I hate "holiday schedules", which throw my entire world into a whirlwind of chaos, leaving Ryan waiting half an hour for me at school because it turns out that yes, they did cancel Spanish class, regardless of what 3 different parents and the assistant principal said.

I hate my dry skin.

But, I hope everyone has a VERY Happy Thanksgiving. Gobble.

Look What We Got!!!

A new camera!! Finally, no more waiting for family and friends to email me pics!!

So, in honor of Amy and Shawn's early Christmas present, here are some photos, which prove that no matter how nice the camera is, if you suck at taking pictures, the pictures will suck.

Running Commentary

Lately, Ryan seems to be more verbal than normal. I never thought it was possible, but when it gets to be around 5pm and you realize that every discussion you have had with her that day has yet to possess a full sentence uttered without her interrupting, you start to catch on.

She is just so involved with explaining things to you, asking you to explain them to her, and reaffirming your explanation with an explanation of her own that does not quite fit, but works well enough that you let it slide just so she will STOP TALKING.

Mom: Ryan, you need to wear a sweater over your leotard to dance.
Ryan: Why?
Mom: Because it's cold and windy outside.
Ryan: It's okay that it's cold, Mom. The cold is good because it helps planes fly faster.
Mom: Oh yeah?
Ryan: Yeah, the cold is good because it's really windy and blows really hard and fast and that makes the plane go faster.


Mom: Ryan, you need to hurry up and finish eating.
Ryan: Mom, it's okay if I go slow eating my pizza. Know why?
Mom: Why?
Ryan: Because if I go too fast I could make myself not breathe and then I would not be breathing and then I would be dead.


Ryan: Mom, you really shouldn't talk on the phone when you drive. Know why?
Mom: Why?
Ryan: Because you could be talking and not see that you are flying and then we would be dead.

I've forgotten the rest. There're so many, and they are sooooo random, they all begin to meld together.

Oh. Except for this one:

Mom: (reading "Harry Potter" aloud a bedtime) ...blah, blah, Harry Potter, blah, magic, blah, blah, wizard, blah.
Ryan: Excuse me, Mom.
Mom: (extremely exasperated sigh) What, Ryan?
Ryan: I need to get up and throw these boogers away. Know why? Cause they're yucky and gross and they're boogers and I don't want them crawling all over me while I sleep! You know, Harry once had boogers crawling all over him...
Mom: Good night, Ry.

Couldn't have said it better, Jax...

My PMDD has reared its ugly, impatient, pissy head this month, leaving me depressed, sad, and bleegggghhhh. That said, I haven't felt like writing much lately, so I'll just offer up some pics from Wurstfest. Love to you all, and I'm sure I'll have something funny for you later -- it is Wednesday, after all.

Thanks, Mom

So I got a call from my Mom this morning. The kids are at the lake and Ryan wanted to talk to me. As soon as she got on the phone and we had gotten as far as "Hi Mommy!", she started screaming and hollering, to the point that the call had to be ended.

When Mom called me back a little later, she said Ryan had been so excited about talking to me, that she was bouncing around and fell and slammed her face against the hard-wood arm of a chair. They eventually calmed her down, telling her to breathe and asking her to smile, which she refused to do. Finallly, she excused herself from the others, declaring that she needed some "private time" to watch Sponge Bob. Then my mom walked into her bedroom closet and found Jaxson hiding, eating breath mints.

Mom: "Amy? This is what happens when you procreate."