Fight Club

There's something to be said for testosterone. While at our "Family Practitioner" last week, seeking relief from the red, swollen, pocked and puss-filled tonsils attacking my throat, I came across James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys. Looking for anything to take my mind off the fact that my kids were clawing onto the end of their "good" rope, having already been waiting an hour nd all, I skimmed through the first few chapters with feigned interest.

Until I saw the part where he confirmed what I've always known -- boys are born brain-damaged. Yes, that valuable T-hormone they're so fond of having, that Y chromosome that brings so many new dads to tears, actually washes over the male fetus and damages their walnut-sized brain.

I think we can all agree that this explains so much.

Like how last week, as Shawn was getting out of his truck and witnessed Jax being pushed by a neighbor boy, he immediately yelled "Hit him back!!" As if on cue, Jax lifted the older boy off the ground and slammed him back down to Earth with gusto. Stifling a victorious yell, Shawn quickly went to "assess" the situation, where Jax was excitedly awaiting him with a request for "High Five, Dad!"

One brain-damaged penis being raised by another brain-damaged penis. Peace and harmony never stood a chance.

B2S

Thank the sweet Lord. 2 1/2 months of being constantly outnumbered? Not as much of a vacation as you'd think.

We've met Ry's teacher, found out her buddy from gym is in her class, and once she's settled, Jax's diaper is coming off until he does his deeds in the potty. (Can't go to Kids Day Out until he's potty trained!!)

Other than all that, I completely let myself go in August, and will also be excited to get back to my routine. Not that it'll help, but at least I'll feel productive again.


A couple of pics from the summer....

Here's a 4th of July pic I've been meaning to post -- it's exciting to us because Shawn's in it!! Last time for a while...



They had so much fun in that parade, as did I, my mom and Ninny on the sidelines. Any chance we get to be catty and critical of other people's ridiculous floats is a good time for us! Unfortunately, I cannot upload the video, so you won't be able to hear the snarky comments we made as "Miss World America" rode by on the back of her '89 Trans Am, portable radio playing her theme song, as she tried to hide the fact that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "MISS WORLD AMERICA".


One of my favorite sights of the summer...Jax and Menana asleep on the deck.


And finally, some of my favorite photo subjects...My Boys...







Don't worry about Ry -- she's received plenty of photog attention from me, too...just check out her new webpage. God help us.

Fun for Young and Old

I'm not sure the video will even be viewable. My computer can't play any videos, audio, or any other media file, so my hopes are not very high for its uploadability.

Let me know if it works!

Number 7

This morning as Shawn and I were trying to grasp a few extra minutes of alone time, we heard Jax scream, stomp up the stairs, and scream again.

"Whose I idea was Jax?" I mumbled.

Then, as if in answer, we heard Ryan scream, chasing Jax down the stairs.

"I don't know," Shawn said,"but I think we know who made him that way."

Does the 7- year-itch apply to your children as well?

Happy Anniversary, Baby!!

Checking In

From the 4th of July to a week alone with Jax, my days have been full and I haven't been able to get on to tell you all the wonderful stories that you've been missing. Plus, my horoscope for the month says I need to chill and just relax, so who am I to argue with the Zodiac???

Anyway, the 4th was spent at the lake where we outdid ourselves decorating the golf cart for this year's parade, which the kids thoroughly enjoyed being a part of, but even better than that -- Shawn was there!! This is the first time in I-don't-know-how-many years that he's been able to take off for the 4th, so the celebration was as much in honor of his independence as the US of A's.

I've got to get ready for my annual check-up now, or else I'd write about all the excitement we had surrounding fireworks and the 5th of July. Patience, children. The story will come.

Anyway, Ryan stayed with my folks this week while she took tennis lessons from one of Menana's old students. Apparently she's become the social secretary of Horseshoe Bay, scheduling dinners and tea parties, hob-knobbing with the cream of the crop, and keeping everyone on their toes. She oversaw the hatching of 2 baby birds and became a vegetarian for a few hours (until she learned that chicken tenders were banned).

Jax and I have spent the week together playing, napping, baking, and cleaning up one mess after another. We're very ready to get our girl back, although I think she's more excited about seeing her friends than seeing us, especially after the conversation we had yesterday:

Ryan: Did you clean my room?

Me: Uh, NO.

Ryan: Is it still messy?

Me: Uh, YES.

Ryan: Do you think you could take care of that for me?

Me: Uh, NO.

Ryan: Am I gonna have to do it when I get home?

Me: Uh, YES.

Ryan: hmmpphh!

Good times, good times.

Anyway, we were supposed to be heading to Corpus this weekend, but Shawn's been working non-stop since the holiday and is feeling inder the weather so we're forgoing the beach to hang around the house and just be chill.

Wish us luck with that.

Who's Your Daddy?

I really was just a carrier, wasn't I?

I TOLD YOU SO

Forgive the title. It's directed at my soul mate, my best friend, my husband. The one family member who never reads this blog. My Shawn. It's referring to a little snippit of convo I just heard between Ryan and her friend Grace,

Grace: I like your Dad, but sometimes he scares me.

Ryan: Why?

Grace: You know, because he's...scary.

I've been telling Shawn this for the past two years. I've warned him of becoming Scary Grizzly Dad. And now he's done it.

The Parenting Gap

Shawn is such a good Dad. He loves his kids, sacrifices for them everyday, and even indulges my periodic thoughts of having more. But like every man, he has his shortcomings. One of which is the weird way he chooses what misbehavior gets disciplined and what does not.

Take for instance his latest battle with Jax. For whatever reason, Jax's newest thing is repeating the phrase "booty butt" over nd over and over. And over. It doesn't really bother me (in fact, I may or may not be guilty of using the phrase myself from time to time), but it downright boils Shawn's blood.

I'm not sure what it is about the phrase, but those two words together flowing from our son's mouth send Shawn reeling. He doesn't mind the "booty", seeing as how he's yet to reprimand Jax when he calls any of us "booty" (which he frequently does; I am, in fact, looking into legally changing my name to Mommy Booty York), and I know it's not the "butt" part, because he himself is frequently heard clling the kids "butt-munch", "butt-head", and so forth. No, it's the joining of the words that pulls the punch, inexplicable to me, but then again, so is his habit of smelling his food before he eats.

I guess it's a little like my refusal to let Ryan watch some of the "tween" dramas on tv, all the while letting her pull up a chair next to me to watch Desperate Housewives. Although, in my defense, I do cover her eyes and ears any time Edie or Gabrielle get anywhere near a man.

Easter, Easter Everywhere

Yes, yes, I know Easter is over, but does it have to be?? I love it so much! Spring-y and pastel-y and happy and bright and bunnies and chocolate and dresses and chocolate and peeps and chocolate...

We had a wonderful weekend, marked most importantly by Shawn's confirmation into the Catholic Church! Mwahahahaha!! One down, 6 billion more to go!!! He's slipped into his Catholicism quite easily, both displaying feelings of guilt and dispersing guilt all at the same time, like when he guilted me into saying I would bring Jax with me to the 3 hour Easter Vigil service, then calling back 5 minutes later to tell me not to worry about it, he didn't want me to have to be stressed. IT HAS BEGUN!!!!!!

Though it was quite quite long, and aside from the fact that Jax leaked everywhere and had to be changed into his swim trucks (sweater vest + swim trunks= FIERCE!), the service itself was gorgeous, and celebrating with all the newly confirmed and baptised was so exciting. I especially enjoyed seeing our elderly priest walk out of the baptismal font in his wet, white robes, with his black shorts bleeding through. Very sexy. Lucky for him, he doesn't have to concern himself with such matters.

Alas, the party had to end, and we finally made it back to the lakehouse around midnight, where Jax had been keeping the rest of the family hostage until I arrived. (Midnight + Jaxson= FIERCER!!) Oh my God, he was awful! It was all I could do to bundle him in a bear hug, roll him onto the bed, and spoon him until he fell asleep. Why was I so late getting back? Shawn and I had to do Easter Bunny duty. Procrastination rocks!

Note to self: when purchasing pre-made Easter baskets, avoid doing so at WALMART. The Precious Moments Doll that came with Ryan's basket had measure markings on her face (slightly hidden under her bangs, but still), and all four of the race cars that came in Jax's basket are now broken. And so it goes.

All that aside, we had a lovely Easter with the fam, Ginger came up and ate the wonderful meal Menana had put together, and we all enjoyed watching Ninny attempt to give Ryan a swirly.

Who can blame me for not wanting all the Easter goodness to end??

Without Further Ado...

I give you...PICTURES FROM HALLOWEEN!!! Woohoo! Lalo found my camera this weekend -- apparently she'd thought it was her's, took it home, and it's been sitting on her counter ever since. Yay! All is not lost!!

And since it's been mentioned that "no one wants to read about your personal enlightenment yadayadayada, Amy -- we come here for the kids," I will get right to the point and post those pics.....NOW.

Jax, as "Ghetto Rocket" from Little Einstein's.

Ryan, as Elphaba (Wicked Witch of the West) -- the School Girl Years.

And with her Daddy...

...Maximus!

I'd show you my costume, but with all the time it took me to create THEIR costumes, mine fell a little short. In other words, you could see the pic, but then I'd have to kill you. Don't ask me why.

Macho Man Say What??

Me: "Babe, do you think if we push Ryan as hard at singing and dancing and acting as we're gonna push Jax at sports, that she'll be the next Beyonce?"

Shawn: "She can't sing like Beyonce."

Me: "Well, she's not gonna be Beyonce, she's not gonna be R&B. She's gonna do it her way. If Avril Levigne and Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus can do it, why not Ryan?"

Shawn: "I dunno, Aim, Miley Cyrus can sing. I mean, she is good. You should really listen to her sometime."

My Santa List

I'm sitting across the living room from my husband and daughter, watching them snuggle against each other watching a nature show. I haven't seen either of them so relaxed and at ease in such a long time. They are truly happy right now, and that's about the best thing I could get for Christmas.

*I'll go ahead and pass around the barf bags now.

Sniffles and shivers and sneezes, Oh my!

Yes, that time of year has hit our household, as is the case for so many families, and when this time of year rolls around, who suffers most?


The mom. That's right, I said it. You can belly ache and whine and complain about your chills or your 103 degree fever, or the fact that you are physically incapable of swallowing, or even that the 7 inch scar down the center of your chest is sore,but do not even try to convince me that you suffer worse than your caretaker.


Take my mom, for instance. There she is, all 57 years of her, struggling day in and day out to appease her bellowing man-child as he recovers from open heart surgery, fetching him this and that, getting up (and in most cases staying up) with him at all hours of the night, and how does he repay her? By making her watch hours on end of the hunting channel.


"I can't take it anymore, Amy," she whimpered over the phone yesterday. "All day long, there we are, just staring at men in cammo, sitting in trees whispering and pointing and counting antler points -- I need help!"


How I feel her pain. Ryan stayed home sick on Monday with a fever. A fever and NOTHING ELSE. A little runny nose, yes, and a slightly hacking cough, but other than the fact that the thermometer read 100.2 degrees, she was fine. Nevertheless, she and Jax and I pulled out the couch bed, geared up the tv, sat, slept and rendered ourselves sloth-like for the entire day. Out went my Spin class, my goal of cleaning and mopping the living room floor, and any desire to be productive whatsoever.

There was no reprieve for the weary yesterday, either, as Shawn came home mid-day with a raging case of fever and chills, sending him to bed and me to the computer to cancel a Habitat meeting scheduled for that night at our house.

Then it was on to trying desperately to keep the kiddos quiet, pulling out the couch bed and watching more tv. Dinner was microwaveable, no one had a bath, and mommy slept on the horribly uncomfortable couch bed. Slept is probably not the right word. Toss and Turn? Yes.

4:30 hit and Ry joined me downstairs, refusing the cough drops I fervently pushed towards her in an attempt to salvage the night. Finally, around 5:30 we fell asleep until Jax started his morning call for "Mommy!" at 6:20.

And now Shawn is upstairs, sleeping while the Penicillin shot hopefully gets rid of the Strep, Ry is at school, undoubtedly sniffling and hacking and spreading all kinds of yummy germs, and Jax is being loud. I've actually managed to clean the downstairs, take a shower, and write this, and next we're off to Subway for lunch and the store for some Emergen-C, cause if Mama gets sick, we're all screwed.

Am I right ladies??

**There has been one highlight to all of this, though. In preparation for Daddy's Day of Rest, I explained to the kids that he was feeling yucky and had chills, so we needed to try to be as quiet as possible.

The quiet part never really sunk in, though Jax has been continuously asking Shawn, "You got Chili's Dad? Chili's? You got Chili's Dad? Chili's?"

Happy Birthday, Baby

Today my husband turned 30. Life is SWEET!! I am so glad he was born. He makes everything better. You know how there are people you meet and you wonder how life ever went on without them? It's like that, with a cherry on top.

Plus, Big Daddy went home today, so December 4th, 2007 has officially been named my favorite day of the year thus far.

We're all feeling a little sluggish, though. Shawn's passed out on the couch (it's 8:25), the kids are asleep, and I'm pretty close to convincing myself to leave kitchen cleanup for the morning. Who knew 30 was the new 60?

We'd planned to trim the tree to celebrate Shawn's birthday tonight (low key, after the surprise party we pulled off for him this weekend), had an early evening peak:

, and this is what we're left with:

Port-o-Potty-o-Rama

Jax has struck again, and this time he has accomplices

Abut a week or so ago, he apparently shoved something (we think it may be a ball) down the guest toilet, a trick not quite so bad, until you add that Ryan woke up a couple of nights later, dumped a load in the clogged commode (I'm a poet...) and I didn't find out until 2 days later, when I once again went in search of "that fucking smell".

I immediately alerted Shawn, seeing as how our contract clearly states that I will wipe as many bums as necessary, will scrub as many toilets as may beckon me, but under no circumstances will I ever plunge.

Unfortunately, the same day I told him about the clogged pot, Jax up and flushed the entire box of wipes down the downstairs toilet, rendering it useless as well. Shawn apparently thought that was the potty I was referring to, and fixed the problem lickety-split.

That was 3 days ago. Due to my guilt over forcing him to do the dirtiest of dirty work, I refrained from nagging about the other toilet, thinking he was pre-treating it or something, I don't know, but last night I finally gave in, and demanded, nay, gagged that he do something about the port-o-potty to whom we had apparently rented space.

So after a long stressful day at work, he spent the a good portion of his evening not hammering out the take-home work he'd planned on finishing, but instead spent it choking, yelling, cursing and plunging...all to no avail.

And now I'm off to call the plumber, buy more candles, and add "toilet lock" to my baby safety list.

York Stew

So much to say, so little time!! Shawn and I celebrated our 2nd 6th anniversary this weekend (or as Lea puts it, our "fake-iversary") and we went camping!!

Gorgeous weather, perfect locale, it was exactly what we've been missing. We're getting ready to go again with the kids in a few weeks. If you ever get up to the Hill Country, I highly suggest you visit Krause Springs.

Menana & Big Daddy kept the kids while we were gone, a mere 20 minutes away from us, so they were able to join us Saturday afternoon for fishing and exploring (oh, and showing off the new bikes the family bought for them).

Later, Ry and Shawn carved our Jack-o-lantern, and yesterday Shawn and Jax did a Daddy day, spending lots of time doing BOY things. I did not ask for specifics. There are some things you just don't want to know about, you know?

Enjoy!!

Sunset at Krause Springs....
Our home-away-from-home...
Pun'kins..
OMG -- Ry and the neighbors had a lemonade sale, where I think they sold maybe one or two drinks, but it didn't stop them from exploiting capitalism to the fullest. (How much should you tip on a 10 cent cup of lemonade? )
Ry's new bike. Very neon. Very zebra. Very "groovy".

Silly boys...

My Guys

Twas not a good night in the house of York.

Jax woke up about 1:30 with a 102 degree fever, burning up like he hasn't in such a long time. I should have known it was coming. It's been too long since someone was really sick, we were due.

Shawn was still closing the restaurant, not that it would have mattered, so I gave him so medicine, put a cold rag on his head, and took up my place alongside him in bed.

About 15 minutes later, Shawn gets home, finds me with Jax, and I give him the bad news.

"Did you give him some medicine?"

I love questions like these, don't you, ladies? I know he's trying to be thoughtful, and his motives are merely concern for his son, but are you serious?? Ugghhh.

Anyway, I assure him that the retard he's left in charge of his kids all these years has taken care of everything, and he should just go to bed. So he does.

Then around 4:30 am, I wake up as Jax is thrashing around at the opposite end of the bed, feel his much much cooler forehead, re-tuck him in and creep my way back to my bed.

Not 10 minutes later, Ryan comes stomping in, heavy with sleep, complaining that she can't turn her music on and could I please come and fix it for her.

Sure, who wants sleep anyway? So overrated.

But I do sleep until 6:30 when Jax is up again, and both kids are begging for cereal.

3 hours later, and I'm running the bath water for Ryan, telling Jax not to get in the bathtub, and walk to our room to get Shawn up for church. 2 seconds later, Ryan cries out, "Mom! Jax is in the tub! In his pajamas! And his DIAPER!!"

Holy Jesus, that child is lucky he is sick and it is Sunday.

Anyway, Shawn comes down about 10 am, dressed and ready, waiting for me to finish cooking his bacon and eggs.

He grabs me in a big bear hug, kisses me and says, "How are ya, babe?"

"I'm PMS'ing," I reply.

"Awww, shit," he says, pulling away.

"Thanks for the support, baby."

"Anytime."

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Our very own American Dream.

Next time I'm wallowing in self-pity over some silly something-or-other, please refer me to August 5, 2007:

The glorious gifts God had bestowed...

...like beer and summer evenings, grilled steak and sweet corn, and people to share them with.

"Petals", R.I.P. (My failed attempt at transferring a dying Mexican Heather to a new outdoor pot. Ry saw it was dead and got Jax to help her cover it in stones and bury it. She named it Petals, found a "headstone", and demanded I tell her how to write "Petals, March teenth" --cause apparently that's when it was born--and then she insisted on writing her name in the gaps left over. And then she wanted to know why I wouldn't let her label her own stuff for camp. Which begins tomorrow. Aggghhh!!!)

Okay, so Shawn had his cataract surgery today. He's doing fine and is recovering nicely in the eery silence that is our home without children. I'm not sure how many more movies I can watch, but I'll do my best. I should be cleaning, but that wouldn't really be staying true to my personal constitution, now would it?

Father's Day Feast

Since the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, we decided to celebrate Father's Day by eating. All day long.

First course: Cinnamon-Blueberry Muffins with Fresh Strawberries and Coffee

Second Course: Cajun-spiced Chicken Fettucine

Third Course: Bacon-wrapped Fillet Mignon with Baked Potatoes and Strawberry Cream Cheese Pie

Did I mention I'm starting a mini-catering biz?? Anyone hungry??

Naturally, we let Shawn park himslef in front of the tv all day, watching the Astros win and Tiger lose, but we did take a break in the middle there to haul the kids to the pool. It was so much fun, getting in the water...and then it started pouring. Which was fun, too, until we gave up and tried to get the kids out of the pool and Ryan went all Mommy on us, yelling and screaming and throwing a fit. What really sucked was that by the time we'd gotten back home and changed, the rain had stopped and the sun was shining.

God's little Father's Day present for Shawn: more TV.